Welcome to Hell

Welcome to hell. Please take a number. Her Evilness will be with you when she damn well feels like it.

Friday, March 14, 2014


hey!  you may have noticed that i added a wee banner to the right there...

::trust me.  i'm pointing to the right.  scroll down a bit... yep!::


just imagine me either taking copious bows, or jumping and squeeing, whichever gets your rocks off more.

actually, you may also have noticed that i have been THE WORST BLOGGER for the past year or so.  and i have plans to fix that... mostly in the form of thoughts like "i should blog more, goddamnit."  i'm admittedly bad at planning.


it's official.  hell has frozen over, cuz we bought a house.  yes, an entire damn house.

it is a tiny house.  it is a house in much need of repair.  but it is a HOUSE!!

now keep in mind... these photos are BEFORE the chaos...

le living room.  do not let its fancy appearance fool you.  it liiiies.  those aren't even real beams on the ceiling.  they're just pretending.  note the lovely popcorn ceiling! /gag

this is gonna be full of musical instruments.  um... soon.  yeah.

our friendly neighborhood realtor, who is like 6'4" (also the music room)

i don't think i need to tell you why the kitchen had to be gutted.  it measured maybe 3 feet between sink and stove.  The Matt is 5'8".  it would be a head hazard just to wash the dishes.

it was THE TINIEST, and would barely fit two of us in it at all, much less if we were actually planning on cooking a thing.

HA.  because i totally cook, right?

these pictures make the house look pretty nice, actually.  what you can't see from where you sit is the terribly uneven floors, and what looks like vinyl shelf liner applied as "flooring" directly over the concrete slab... complete with bubbling and gaps.  and the uneven walls that are out of square...

i spared you pictures of the horrible tiny bathrooms.  which we have a glorious, glorious plan for.  you will see.

but... we knew we were walking into a total gut job.  we signed up for this.

and i am beginning to think we were completely batshit.

oh, it will be painted, post haste.  i would have picked green, except we have 3 neighbors with clashing shades of green on their houses.

so uh, yellow got vetoed, and purple isn't a completely ridiculous shade for a house, right?

i'm gonna need some help convincing The Matt that i don't plan on painting our house Faygo grape purple.  but i fucking hate neutral shades, i don't like red THAT much, and blue houses are all over the place.  i wouldn't mind orange... but then people might think we were UT fans.  AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT.

this is why we can't have that.  that is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad color.  burnt orange my ass.  it's like baby shit OH GOD MY EYES brownish-vomit.

this pretty much sums up the condition of this place.  it was rough and uncared for.  it was cheap.

and that was BEFORE they let us swing a sledgehammer at the most expensive thing we've ever bought!

who knew house smashing would be SO MUCH FUCKING FUN??

The Matt, that is who.  he dug into demolition with a vengeance.  i saw it in its non-smashed condition, and then the next time i came over...

that WAS  a bedroom.

...and that WAS the living room/music room/kitchen...

not even the garage escaped.

 the entire house is literally see-through.  it's like an x-ray of a house.

i don't mind any of this.  i got to SATAN SMAAAASHHHHHHH!

i am SO GLAD that we decided to gut this place... because this is the type of nasty that we found.  evidently this was somewhat CLEANED, before i took a picture of it.


yeah.  we're crazy.

but hey...

at least we got a new mailbox.

this post's title courtesy of this earworm song and i DON'T CARE if you hate Miley Cyrus, she is actually talented, SHUT UP AND LISTEN, IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.