Welcome to Hell

Welcome to hell. Please take a number. Her Evilness will be with you when she damn well feels like it.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


it has come to my attention that some spambots have REALLY wanted to tell me ALLL about Fuggs, lately.  i've had like 27 spam comments from them, & it's ridiculous.

first off, y'all?  i have some.
they look like this:

except for mine look like they've been chewed by a bear, or something.
they came to me dirty, to be fair.  but then i managed to vomit on them the other day (due to food poisoning rather than drinking, which is a SHAME) and then all was lost.  they now probably look like they belong to a homeless person.

to say it mildly, they're NOT a fashion statement.  no.
what they ARE = warm fuzzy houseshoes to wear out of your house, when it's winter and your toes are cold.
cute?  hell no.  but at least they're better than the last incarnation i was using, which looks like this:

Matt might break up with me for this picture.
you may blame my dad for buying me the fuzzy boots.

and secondly, spammers?  i don't want to pimp your Fuggs either.  i don't wanna buy any from you, and i'm CERTAINLY not about to give you free advertisement on mah blog.

i am ashamed, but i heart my Fuggs. i'm wearing them right now.

cuz let's be honest with ourselves -big fuzzy boots are almost NEVER a fashion statement.

unless some hoity toity designer makes them or something, and they're a million dollars.

but that doesn't mean we can't loll around in our Fuggs like the houseshoes they are.
carry on.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

i dub thee Minions!

i got an award the other day - woo!  i like awards.  shower me with praise!

ahem.  anyway, i'm passing this one along - i just asked who wanted it, and voila!  people came out of the woodwork.  ^_^

@thedeaconblue :   his blog is Holy S!+t
of course you can tell why i like him.  bwahahahaha.

@RubberChickenMa  who writes Rubber Chicken Madness.  
and who doesn't like some rubber chickens?  nobody, that's who.

next is @forever_trust who writes Our Transplant Journey.
she writes about everything!

@crystalpratt is a sloth at House of Sloth. 
how cool are sloths?  way cool.  go get your sloth on!

@blogginglily posts on Just a Lil Blog
he has hilarious beard pictures.  beards are the shit.

all right y'all, come get your button - and pass it on!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

don't be an asshole!

want to know why you shouldn't be an asshole?
because there are people out there in the world; people like me, who have absolutely ZERO shame.  ZERO.

the other night at yet another wedding gig i encountered a type that i've seen before, occasionally - the wedding crashers.
now, most wedding crashers are just hanging around near me to use the photo booth.  and most of them are reasonable - if told to go away, they go.  simple.
and sometimes, they're really nice, and they take nice pictures and tip you and offer to share their booze, and.... ahem.  

these guys?  not so nice.  they were incredibly drunk, and they were crashing someone's WEDDING.  in t-shirts, and jeans.  they were from Holland probably, which i deduced from the fact that they were speaking a language that was not German, Swedish, Finnish, Norwegian, French, etcetera.

they came through the photobooth at first, and i wasn't absolutely sure they weren't wedding guests (i have seen stranger things, after all), so i let them go.
then, i started asking the wedding guests:  do you know these guys?
no.  they definitely did NOT know those guys.

the wedding crashers disappeared for a while, but showed back up even drunker, carrying 40s, and trying to steal an entire 2-liter of diet coke, which is just tacky, okay?

they joined the back of the photobooth line.  i went over, and asked them to leave.
they obviously spoke and understood selective english - meaning they understood me just fine, but pretended not to.

as the two drunken assholes came out of the photobooth a second time (which i unfortunately wasn't able to prevent), the bride showed up, and asked me and them what the hell was going on here.
"i've been trying to get rid of them, but they speak selective english,"  i said to her.
"english?  we speak english,"  one of them said.
"really?  oh, great!  well, understand this.  this is HER wedding that you are crashing, which means this is a private event - which means you should split.  now."
they started leaving.
"and leave the damn diet coke!" shouted the bride after them.

now normally, i am not so much of an asshole that i post pics of people without permission, without a censor bar over their eyes.
but this time?  consider this just rewards, for being asshole wedding crashers.  take that, you fuckers!

kids, don't do this.  after all, you don't want your drunken pictures plastered all over the internet, now do you?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

the ghosts of halloweens past...

in the past, i've been pretty... ahem... repetitive in my choice of halloween costumes.  i've mostly vacillated between vampire, devil, and black cat for YEARS.
this was one of the few exceptions...

and of course, there were all those years i went as a pirate... and i don't think those years are over just yet - i mean, look at that hat!!!

love the hat.  adore it, i say!!!

then there's the vampire getting out....  this was at a Vampire ball, so really, what else was i supposed to be?

i did go as a crazy lady in 2009.  as if that was much of a stretch...

Matt was a doucheboard skateboarder.  the cat was... well, i don't know.  psycho as usual?

and a pirate again...

then there was the time i went to the club as a harem girl...
do y'all have any idea how hard it is to get harem pants off when you're trying to pull them off over stripper shoes? yeah.

chomp!  (again...)

at least in this case, i was a specific vampire - Pam from True Blood.

The Matt was a gay cowboy.  he's surprisingly good at that.


 i thought about going as an alligator, but that didn't quite pan out.
THEN i got a GREAT idea for this year, but all our halloween plans fell through, soo...
this year i was kinda boring.  i stayed at home.  and i was a cat.

but i was a SPARKLY blue cat, so that counts as being somewhat creative...right?

next year, i have a fantastic idea - of course, i'm not giving it away.  all i'm saying is - it involves a LOT of lace.  a TON of lace.
and my friends will NEVER see it coming.  muahahahahaha!