Welcome to Hell

Welcome to hell. Please take a number. Her Evilness will be with you when she damn well feels like it.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

you can't win them all... and sometimes, you just can't win.

y'all will never guess who fucking showed up in my club.

remember Bag of Hammers girl? as in, my former boss, who is Dumber Than A?
(actually, that's insulting the hammers.)

she, who was so holier-than-thou about most of the dancers at the country bar being former/current strippers? the one who repeatedly told us to stop shaking it "like strippers"?
uh huh. guess what she is, now.

my only problem is, really, did it HAVE to be my club? there are so many other fucking clubs she could be working at.
why, why mine?
only my life.

although, i have to admit, it does come with a bit of satisfaction. like, watching her completely fail to make money on the first night of NFL, when she showed up in fucking VIKINGS colors....

and you know, every time i watch her stumble around on the stage looking like she knows all the right stripper moves, but can't manage to make them look like anything but a badly pieced-together montage of the worst moves from a shitty porn, i just smile and smile. i've seem many baby strippers, but most of them just look new. she just looks as if she can't dance, and will never manage to get the look down.
i will be shocked if she lasts a month.

karma lasts laugh. and sometimes, while topless.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

perhaps someone has an answer to this?

i really, really need a better layout for my blog.
however, i am also not (at this point in my financial standings) willing to pay for a layout...
i don't need something super fancy, just a way to customize it, because i accidentally screwed up my settings last night, and it looks like ass, and i kinda can't figure out how to fix it...

::blogging fail::

anyone have any good ideas??

back to "regularly" scheduled programming...

ah, what a new (used) mac can bring! updates on my favorite bloggers, and a whole bunch of time-wasting activities (a la facebook...)
at last, i am back.

now, it comes to my attention that "stripping" might not be specific, so for the record:
stripping, as in dancing, topless. in new orleans, currently, on bourbon street.

OMG reallly?
yes, really. for, i am not ashamed of my job. like any other job, it has great perks and also big drawbacks, which often result in really funny stories.

do your parents know???!?!?!!!!
yes. for reasons that are actually hilarious, and will no doubt be written about one day, when i am not being lazy. while i wouldn't say either of them "approve," per se, they accept it just fine.

does your boyfriend know?
knows, and accepts. possibly encourages. "conflicted," says he. i believe his biggest issue with my job is possible safety issues. nice people are not on bourbon street, this is undeniable.

do you like it?
gah, that's complicated! yes, and no. yes, because it's easy. no real schedule, i get to drink on the job, and sometimes it's really, really easy money. i don't mind being naked in public, or talking to total strangers. and i really, really love dancing, and being a performer, and having a stage to do it on.
no, because some customers are just fucking asshats, and fail to treat you like a human being, much less one deserving respect. but then again...jobs. they sometimes do and do not come with lots of dignity. eh?
now, i've been doing this on and off, for five years. so obviously it's not something i absolutely hate.

that probably about covers the very FAQs, others may be asked in comment box below, and NOW... to the point of this blog (HA...)

mostly dancing. see, in new orleans, almost all the local clubs are right on, or a block off, bourbon street. it's like one big street full of half-naked. especially with all the tourist girls flashing for beads.
(news flash, y'all? they're plastic beads. not worth flashing for, every local knows this...)
so, since vacating the country bar, i've been at the Club, which we will not name for fairly obvious reasons. i could be surfing back and forth to several clubs, but i tend to like one, and stick to it. makes for ease of not having to cart a whole bunch of stripper shit around.
nice things in this club:
great big dressing rooms, with tons of lockers. there's a washer/dryer and showers, and it's actually clean, which can be a total rarity in strip clubs. it has granite stages, one stationary pole, and one spinner pole.
comes with the requisite staff, some awesome bartenders/waitresses, the usual mix of customers.

saints games are crazy down here, especially home games, and good times to be running around a bunch of sports nuts, half naked, in black and gold. supposedly i'll be going into work tomorrow for said game, however: i have felt like crapola all week long, and have only managed to go in for two days.
like i said, any jobs has a perk or two, and at this particular club, all you have to do is show up whenever you want to work. now, the managers may call and try to persuade you in on other days, but if you don't go it, it's not like they can fire you, unless you're doing something like turning tricks in the VIP rooms, or Being a Drunken Mess All Of The Time. (some clubs might tolerate this behavior, but mine doesn't. which is a good portion of the reason i like it.)
so, if i want to be lazy for a week, i can be. it's nice. especially when you're feeling badly. on the other hand, i don't make any money on my couch. being self-employed sometimes requires you to be more motivated than usual about working, or you won't ever work.

since i don't really have any motivation at the moment (to work or really do a good job at blogging, or at least being funny) i will give you a random list of interesting/amusing/horrifying things that have happened at work recently.

in the past couple weeks i've talked to people from: canada, india, scotland, england, turkey, and probably at least 3 other places i'm forgetting. oh, switzerland. the scots and swiss were hot.

a guy totally licked my ear during a lapdance... i literally gave a full-body shudder, and took the sleeve of his t-shirt and scrubbed the shit out of my ear. you can best believe i beat it post-haste after that dance to the bathroom to have an impromptu bath.
attention, strip club patrons: tongue in ear is NOT hot. EVER. I DO NOT LET MY BOYFRIEND(OR GIRLFRIEND) DO THIS. get a clue!
second...even if i liked this, it's still not appropriate to do to your friendly neighborhood stripper, unless you receive verbal go-ahead.

i found out one of the DJs, who is normally a wonderful person, won't play Sparta and At the Drive-In for me, and this makes him suck a bit.

i drink one particular brand of bourbon at work (Bulleit, for the interested, it's a small batch and it's both tasty and affordable), and i found out that the bar goes through about a bottle of it per week. now, i am usually the probable sole drinker of this bourbon, which makes me feel a tad bit alcoholic. i'm not, but still, that's a bit in excess of how much i usually drink.
drinking on the job is probably not so good for you. also, living in new orleans probably doesn't help. i'm fairly convinced drunk driving is an unofficial louisiana sport or something. the culture here is swimming in the sauce. (not bashing, i'm just saying...we drink. a lot. hell, i have a monday night club devoted to this sport.)

aaaand, let the comments commence!!!

: ]

Friday, September 10, 2010

my computer has given up the ghost....

which is partially the reason i haven't been here much.
also, other reasons:
quitting the cowboy job,
stripping a whole lot more, and
lazy. did i mention that one yet?

but i'm not dead, and i will return.
and i made a ton of money tonight, woo! how i love the saints games...