Welcome to Hell

Welcome to hell. Please take a number. Her Evilness will be with you when she damn well feels like it.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

GIVEAWAY - no responders as of yet, jeez guys, y'all are falling down on the job! : ]

i still have a GIVEAWAY for y'all...
all i need is one thing. whoever gets this lighter needs to tell me how it holds up to daily use: does the glue work, is the sealant waterproofish, how does the paper hold up under the glue, as well?
things like that.

i am trying out a new way to seal my lighters that i have on my Etsy.
everyone, now is your chance to enter your name to get this lighter:

i'll keep the polls open for a week. tell me you want to be entered, in the comments section.

then, after a week, i'll draw a name out of a hat (literally, i mean, why not?) and the lucky recipient will get a lighter mailed to them. (so if you win, i'll need A. your email, so you can B. mail me your address.)

aaannnddd, GO!!!

: ]

Sunday, December 26, 2010

i SO win at dating

Matt: "what do you think about a turkey bacon cheesy turkey burger?"


also, more whimsicle fuckery, in the form of crayola, just for shits and giggles.

also, quote of the evening: "I ain't no redneck, i'm an Appalachian Ginger." that would be Matt, although technically i also fall into that category.

somehow, i am dubious of this non-redneck status...
: ]

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Happy Penguinmas, Everybody!!!

gratuitous penguin picture:

because everyone loves a penguin. EVERYONE.

today's contradictory message brought by my mom's stocking offerings:

we've been coloring today. yesterday as part of the gags, my dad gave Matt a coloring book, and that reminded me: i have a fucking fantastic coloring book that i've never used...
it's not your average coloring book, it's a book of art by Charley Harper that has been turned black and white, coloring book style. so, i'm enthused.

i originally was trying to make this bird red, but i grabbed maroon instead, and he ended up rather pink.
"i wasn't trying to make him pink," i said.
"maybe he eats lots of shrimp," matt offered.
"yeah, or maybe he's a gay bird."

it's okay, birdie, we love you whether you are a lover of the gay boys, or just a shrimp hog.
(i added the little heart, of course.)

i think he's gay though, just because i can't pass up this opportunity to hit y'all with bad humor:
(from preying mantis's point of view)
"i kissed a bird, and i liked it!
hope my insects don't mind it...."

(let me state at this point that i violently loathe katy perry and all of her songs.... but.
i thought of that at maybe 5am last night and it gave me a giggle, so...heh.)

i also colored some really adorable koalas. i am having too much fun with this. i don't think i'm ever going to bother growing up, it seems boring.

matt contributed this one:

of course i hung it on the fridge.

the cats are jealously having a Box War 2010.

i tried putting another box out, but NOOOOO, they all want the same fucking box.
cats. they be crazy, yo.

i also got myself a new plant. (several days ago, AS IF i'd go out and compete with psychotic xmas shoppers... shudder.)

now, i'm going to go eat peanut m&ms for lunch.

it's too bad they don't run mail today, i have a ton of stuff coming to me in the mail.
i am your book junkie.

Friday, December 24, 2010

i think my mom is trying to send me a message...

here's my weekly funny. i sent this card to a friend this week. i've been loving it, long time.

my dad and brother came over today, and came bearing large gifts. which is actually awesome, because i was not expecting much this year, as my wonderful mom sent me some money.

but i think she is trying to send me a message this year, a message i have interpreted as "get off your lazy ass and learn to cook!!!"

my cooking skills are sub-par, to be polite. non-politely, my cooking fucking blows. i have a few dishes i can do, but i can't even cook rice without burning it past eating.

which probably explains why i got a rice cooker.
also a frying pan (well, i did say i needed that one).
and a mixer. which i may use once a year, while cooking (pot) brownies.

previously for the holidays, i have also gotten cooking books, and weird looks when i profess to have absolutely no idea about how to cook a roast. she gave me a crock pot a few months ago. now that, i know how to use!!!

The Matt got a grill, which he is pretty enthused about. i'm enthused too, because he will cook yummy steaks on it. also, it folds up, so it doesn't take up too much room. a great gift!

another funny thing i got was a tool set. now, tools are useful. a tool set in and of itself isn't funny; it's that i got a "girl" tool set. i assume mom picked it out because it was a good basic set, not because it is fucking purple; my mom isn't too girly. but it is pretty amusing. check it out:

my dad is the proud prankster. he delights in gag gifts:

also edible things. but he makes it easy to accept the gags, with cash monies. which i do so appreciate. (i appreciate the edibles, too.)

those who know me well, know that i HATE HATE HATE white socks. i don't own them. i have a ton of black socks, but i have more "weird" socks - you know, toe socks, thigh high socks, polka dots... the works. well, i don't do holiday themed socks, so much. so i got some socks. and gloves.

traditionally, my family gives me fuzzy things. i like this tradition.

much, much later...
on a further note, i went to work today.
trust me, my intent was NOT to work in a strip club on xmas eve. in fact, i had just settled in on the couch after Dad and Logan left, to write the beginning of this blog entry. it's just that... the DJ begged and i like him, and i didn't have anything better to do, and hey, money??
it wasn't a long night. just five hours, and i got thanked so much by DJ and managers. which was pretty cool. also our house mom is freaking awesome, and is (hopefully) coming over for beers on monday. money wasn't terrible.

the Fuzzbutt is also enjoying our holiday:

also, y'all? my boyfriend is FUCKING WEIRD.

i don't even know what that was about, but it just happened.
at least he helped me take the picture of the weirdness?

i also have a GIVEAWAY for y'all...
all i need is one thing. whoever gets this lighter needs to tell me how it holds up to daily use: does the glue work, is the sealant waterproofish, how does the paper hold up under the glue, as well?
things like that.

i am trying out a new way to seal my lighters that i have on my Etsy.
everyone, now is your chance to enter your name to get this lighter:

i'll keep the polls open for a week. tell me you want to be entered, in the comments section.

then, after a week, i'll draw a name out of a hat (literally, i mean, why not?) and the lucky recipient will get a lighter mailed to them. (so if you win, i'll need A. your email, so you can B. mail me your address.)

aaannnddd, GO!!!

: ]

by the way...

have i told y'all i have a Tumblr?

i started it for a venting/more about stripping thing. see, stripping is my job, not my life.
and i did NOT want this blog to end up being all about stripping and nothing else.
i'm pretty anonynous over on the tumblr.
i don't show my face, and i go by Gypsy, my stage name.

here, i show my real life. i show my real name (it's Mel, by the way) and i show photos of me in all states - dolled up for dancing, no makeup and ornery, pissy, full of joy - i like being completely open and honest here.

i'm reserving the tumblr for being a bit hidden in the shadows.

there may be a bit of cross-posting here and there, but for the most part, they are separate animals.

i don't want the tumblr readers over at this blog necessarily (unless i have invited them), but i welcome y'all to go check out my tumblr. if you like it, enjoy!

happy belated Solstice/Yule/Festivus!!!

yeah, i'm late on crap like that.

i also just found out that the word
exists, and that is fucking awesome. much better than cock blocking.

this is also going to be a post where i sorta mope about not having a girlfriend.
see, i'm almost incapable of keeping one.
it never blows up (well, there was that one time, but it was a really long time ago and we're not bringing that up now, m'kay?)
it doesn't blow up, it just kinda fizzles out. or they realize that no, i'm really not going to leave my boyfriend once you get your cute paws on me. or something. i don't know.
maybe i'm just going after people that are not attracted to my type?

i do understand that dating poly folks is complicated and it's more work and communication than a normal relationship. i do understand that monogamous types justly don't want anything to do with me.
what i don't understand is that after all this time, i've been open and honest, i have a damn okcupid account (because it is fucking impossible to find ladies in the south, FOR REALS), i have met plenty of open, non-straight ladies that i liked and fucked -

why oh why can't i keep a girl around??


the reason i bring this up, is that i'm feeling the hetero privilege lately. my family is conveniently ignoring my other sides, and a lot of my friends do too, and it really fucking bothers me.

well that, and i'm solid enough in my relationship with matt, to seek all the things i really want out of relationships, and one of those things for me, is a girlfriend.
yeah, i want one. i want the estrogen in my life - and the way hot girly sex, and all the things that come with it. i want that kind of connection. i am feeling the lack.

i know a lot of people that i feel like i could really get along with, but alas they live 3,000 miles away and that is depressing to me.
y'all, i really miss the northwest/portland.

okay, sentimental/mopey Satan out!

ps, i am having THE WORST foot cramps tonight, i hope this is not related to my eating only (homemade) chocolate cheesecake today. for dinner.

also i got to bilk the club out of $20 dollars today because the manager didn't notice i did way more dances than i said, and that makes me really, really happy. yo.

like this kind of happy.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

all of my loyal and wonderful minions...

i need your help!
no, it doesn't require money. (unless you see something you like...)

what i need from y'all, is feedback on my new Etsy store!!

i've been putting up new things, when i wasn't busy making new things.
it's been a productive few days for me - who knew? hmm.

i made a bunch of jewelry today. i'm wondering whether i should put it on Etsy.
now i know it's purty, but my problem is that the intended recipient of the jewelry was ME... yeah, i'm torn. but i have pretty pictures for you to see!

i made my mom a necklace for Solstice/Yule.

the pendent is an actual leaf, that was dipped in silver.

it's made of freshwater pearls. oh how i love pearls, of all varieties. and colors. they probably haven't made a pearl i won't love.

of course, when i went shopping for the necessary ingredients to make this, i found plenty of crap that i wanted, of course.
so i made myself a few necklaces as well... i also started rooting around in my bead/gem/mineral supply to see what i had. i finished a few pieces that had been waiting for it for quite a while...

these three are all freshwater pearls.

this one is garnet, and freshwater pearls.

this one has freshwater pearls (various colors), and amber.

pretty colors, oooohhh shiny!!!

in case you can't tell, i am a jewelry junkie. ironically, most of the time i wear three rings, and whatever is in my piercings, and nothing else. it's mostly that it's impractical to wear anything to work because it'll get beaten up or lost, and most of my stuff now is actually nice. which i like! but i'm not taking vintage or expensive pieces to work, and i refuse to wear stupid-looking costume stripperjewelry. gag.

anyhow, let me know what you think about the Etsy.

and my burning question: should i put any of this jewelry up on Etsy, or keep all the lovelies for myself??? after all, i can always buy more supplies, with intent to make jewelry for other people!!!

Monday, December 20, 2010

i'm never going to sleep...

i ate ALL OF THESE not too long ago, finishing that damn post.
chances of me sleeping any time soon, probably slim...

although i will admit to actually being quite productive today: i set up my Etsy store today, which is something i've probably put off for at least a year...
i didn't get everything up there (it just takes a lot of time, but i have more stuffs...), but rest assured, new stuff is coming.

in the meantime, check it out: the beginning of things to come...

i'm finally doing it: the almighty BLOGROLL.

if y'all perish of starvation before you're through reading this, i'm terribly sorry.

i read a ton of blogs. in fact, it's partly why i joined the bandwagon: to talk back, and have a piece of the community. i like it in here on the internet, we have some good people.

so, to this purpose, i'm going to list all the AMAZING AND WONDERFUL people i follow, and tell you why i like them (briefly, mind you...).

also, to make it easier, i'm going to categorize, so as to make this slightly more understandable.

The Phobia
lots of photography and general awesomeness. also has a fantastic harry potter tattoo!

The Ch!ctionary
found through her Sex and the Ivy blog, which i thoroughly enjoyed.

Pomegranate Seeds
great short stories from someone i correspond with (see below, in "cool people")

Crazy with a Side of Awesome Sauce
great photography (and occasional photog contests), great stories, great Sexy Saturday reads, also a cool person!

she does amazing fucking comics for free online!

Davka Deer Girl
and Animal Prayer:
twin sisters who write, write poetry, take photographs, and in Davka's case at least, draw.

Made of Words
great lesbian erotica and other awesomeness!

The Story of Story
anonymous travel stripper (who i got to meet here in NOLA, woohoo!!!) who talks about stripping her way around the country. also should be cross-posted into the "writers i love" category as well...

Kat Stories
a dancer with a sense of humor

Diary of an Angry Stripper
dancer with no sense of humor, which is partly what makes her funny

Let Me Give You A Hand With That
dancer/sex worker who takes pictures of her fun outfits, sometimes... notable for her descriptions of working in erotic massage

Civil Undressed
grad student dancer, has good descriptions of the characters that come into her NYC club.

Ava Adore and Confession
two friends who work in the same club. good stories live here!

The Honeypot
San Francisco dancer, and Portland dancer. has multiple viewpoints, woo!

hobostripper is the original blog, filled with tales of living in a van and stripping all around the U.S.  the Ecowhore blog is a blog you pay to read - but trust me, it is worth the moola, if you've got it to spare.  amazing tales of living in alaska in a cabin and being self-sufficient.

Hyperbole and a Half.
the funniest illustrations probably on the fucking planet.

The Bloggess.
she is a blogging goddess who could be doing something amazing for charity, or talking about taxidermy, or writing a sex column, or putting up the weirdest links i've ever seen, or...

Naked Cupcakes
...you never know what you're gonna get.

Steam Me Up, Kid
will make you spit things out while laughing. other than that, i don't even know how to describe this blog, but trust me, it is made of The Awesome.

Bite The Bedbugs.
amazing lady with a great sense of humor about life. see cinderella's tale for some fun...

Sara Swears A Lot
a fellow Louisiana blogger (at least until i move somewhere else...) who does drunken karaoke, and says vagina a bunch. also, the aforementioned swearing.

Feminisnt(Furry Girl)
opinionated sex worker who did a TSA strip tease once... she's polarizing, and that's why i like her.

The Angry Office Manager
i can't remember how i found her, but i liked her enough to send her letters. should also be cross-posted into the good writers section, but don't fear, i put her other blog there.

Blag Hag
other than the fact that she started Boobquake (there is a Facebook group too...), she is a super-smart science-loving atheist who also adores Harry Potter - i might be in love...

Alone...With Cats
being single sucks, but somehow, cats make everything better. also, she's hilarious, and has been known to wrap her cats in saran wrap... (my dad and i always call that shit Devil wrap, because it fucking sucks to deal with, but i like this new alternative use.)

I'll Go Eat Worms
she makes me laugh.

France is Hilarious
it's totally true.

I, Asshole
should win the internet for coming up with the word "assmittens." besides, who else do you know who has been blogging in the same spot for the last ten years? some of the older links/pics are wonky, but whatever!
(i will now admit to blogging for a decade as well...only spread out over a whole fuckload of places, most of which i will not admit to, here. none of y'all need to see my teenage angst, natch.)

The Beautiful Kind
the best kind of sex blogging! deals with kink, polyamory, and almost everything else. also the woman who runs the show is all kinds of amazing. plus fighting a custody battle over her daughter (because of the sex blogger thing - thanks, douchy ex-husband! good job.) most recently, so please do go and support...

The Collection
polyamory blog full of fun/cool people and other links (can you tell i'm poly yet? lol)

Band Back Together
collaborative blog, really cool and full of support. is on a more serious note than 99% of what i do, however.

Mushroom Printing
ever wanted to smack someone on the face with a large slimy dick?  well, this is the website for you.  venting lives here.

Mommy Wants Vodka
she amuses me. i'm not really sure why i'm so drawn.

Normally, I wouldn't say this, but...
his tagline is
"Blah blah blah itchy
blah blah blah gay
blah blah alcohol."
this, and he's a fellow smoker so naturally i like him.
besides, he won my first giveaway contest. 

and finally, the
Green Brewing
wherein The Matt talks about beer, and recipes, and why he hasn't made ANY BEER AT ALL lately (spoiler: because i got him a gargantuan propane burner for Yule, but we don't have propane yet. look, i'm broke, alright?)

... i want y'all to know that this list took 2 fucking hours to do...
i may never do this again! but sheesh, at least i am DONE!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

i am your book dork

to help clarify things, i might now mention that i have a B.A. in Creative Writing. it was nearly an English Literature degree, but my dept head at the first college i went to kindly told me that it wasn't in my best interest, as i was Subverting Literary Theory in my papers, which, huh, isn't looked upon kindly by most* professors.
which is actually why i ended up transferring schools, and living in oregon, but that is entirely another story.

*the dept. head wasn't one of them.


so, i may or may not give you guys an ongoing list of Shit I Am Reading/Authors I Love. i would like to start doing this, but face it, i'm scattered and lazy, so it may or may not happen, but here's the first:

Neil Gaiman. he is the shit. start with anything he's ever written, and go forth. most people have at least heard of coraline (the movie), which is an adaption of the book.

for a random story of his (which i haven't read yet, but will approximately right NOW, click here.

i have him on the mind, because i've been over on his blog today, and i found this:

go on, click, it is Awesome.
(you probably will want to read those directions, for the fun of it if nothing else)

what did you get? i got this:

"I'm sure such a thing must have happened to you before."

yes, Neil. i'm sure it has happened before. heheheheh.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

explaining legwarmers.

partially in response to Crazy Lady's comment on my "bah, humbug" post (see two entries below), but also a manifesto of how awesome i know that legwarmers are. for pretty much any occasion.

i am a child of the 80's, and i fell in love with legwarmers as a child. consequently i wore them throughout my life, both to ballet class and outside of it.

in fact, i even have photographic proof from high school, 2002, when they were most decidedly NOT COOL.

i didn't care then, and i don't care now.

i did a very large, expansive happy dance when they came back in fashion!
and when they go back out...
i'm still gonna wear them.

legwarmers are also very handy when you're dancing. dance of all kinds, that is. alas, my ballet days are over, but they're perfect for days like today, when i was at work, freezing my ass off because it's cold out and management can't figure out the fucking thermostat...
ahem. anyhow. it was blazing hot on the stage (there is a heating vent up there, i just know it) and freezing everywhere on the floor, except for the one golden spot: we have a gas fireplace. consequently, me in my small dress and legwarmers was stationed there for 90% of my stay at work. because goose bumps, are not so much The Sexy.

also, for those who may be interested, i updated the "Bah, humbug" post with pictures of the UV pole(s) i mentioned at the end there, because they are all kinds of awesome, and i do have the pictures...

Friday, December 17, 2010

letters, letters, who wants letters?

for my last post i failed to, but meant to tell everyone that if y'all send an address
(via my email, over there -->)
then i will write the letters to you, too! yes, i really mean it. my only criteria is that you write back! and also not be a creepo stalker type and do it just to get my precious return address and then be all creepy round my house and shit...

but yeah. letters. i send them.

in other humorous news, i have had exactly one (1) email to my satan account so far....
it was spam. go figure.
aand, i'm changing the way my address appears on this blog, to be a little less spam-attracting.

also, notice, i have put up a link to my twitters...
which i use sometimes, and am occasionally funny on. woohoo.

boring maintenance out of the way, how are y'all doing?
i have an eggnog daiquiri, so in other words, i'm fanfuckingtastic!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

bah, humbug! and other grinchy statements

i don't celebrate Xmas.

let me say that again, in case y'all didn't hear over the protesting.

yes, i know "everyone" loves Xmas. presents, and santa, and oh my gods will the bullshit ever end?

i think my largest gripe with Xmas is the advertising, starting in September and marching towards January. i was one of those ornery kids who wouldn't believe in santa, so it holds no fuzzy memories for me. none. nada.

i'm also not christian (i can almost hear the "unfollow" clicks now! snerk!) so, yeah. i don't celebrate Xmas, for many reasons.

but i do celebrate Yule.

now, what is Yule? well it's plenty of things - it celebrates the winter solstice (longest night of the year), and it celebrates winter, and it also celebrates the earth coming back from winter, and edging towards spring.
traditionally people decorated (not killed) live trees (outside) with food, for the woodland critters, to help them survive the winter.
aaand, suchlike and so on.

this isn't a platform for one holiday versus the other, but it will explain why the extent of my holiday finery can fit onto my bookshelf.

hey, i think the Holiday Bookshelf decorating might catch on!
note our gingerbread house, which is not, in fact, a house, but a Brewery.
i believe that just might have been Matt's idea, but i'm not sure. eggnog was involved.

i cut my tongue today. on an envelope. not fair. but i do have a fair amount of holiday correspondence that i send out.

too much, possibly. well, some of those are bills. the rest is all hello, world of friends, i am still alive!

please write back, my buddies! i love letters. i avoid email for days, but i always check the mail box. go figure.

i have great stamps for winter correspondence, and i must use them. which is about half my motivation for sending out the winter-themed correspondence at all.


and finally, i've procured a picture of my purple/pink hair.

yes, i cut my head off in this picture on purpose. it was the only way i could get a halfway decent shot of the colors in my dim living room, and no i'm not posing for a picture with a tripod just to get a shot of my technicolor hair... i'll save that for a good shot sometime. as a photographer, i'm not fond of tripods in general, i'm more of a candids kind of girl - which is also why no one's taken a decent picture of me in ages. i miss my photographer friends, le sigh.

oh, and i got new strippah shoes. they are pretty fabulous, and full of the glitter.

and, because it is that special (grinch-filled) time of year for me, where i go around sneering at decorations involving reindeer, i include a present for you - pictures of me, taken at work by my coworkers.

you can tell how bored we were that day. no customers for almost an hour. still, gave me time to show off my purty little working girl self to y'all.

i talked to one of the head-honcho managers about writing about the club (including the name, oh gasp!) because a writer i know recently got kicked out of her favorite club for doing just that. it was the first time i'd ever asked to write about anything, but he gave me the go-ahead, "as long as you're not bashing anyone." picture him saying that in a great european accent, and you'll get the faintest clue as to what it's like working in my club.

wednesday night was fun, we went to the club's party for the employees (and also a bunch of random people i'd never seen before) and saw a burlesque show. it was nice to be there and not be working! my only regret is that i was unable to "inappropriately hump" my friend G. because i didn't see him. ah, well. i did get matt to dance on one of the VIP UV poles, so that's fuckin' awesome!

too bad i don't have a picture of that!

EDIT, 12/18/10:

i do, however, have pictures of the UV pole in question.

this is me hanging upside down,

this is displaying the fact that the thing changes colors.

yes, yes it does.

almost too quickly, it probably would hurt the head if you're drunk or hung over. but, i really enjoy them. also they are plastic, so they are really grippy to dance on, and i like that.

Monday, December 6, 2010

the last 24 hours were interesting, to be sure.

so, i was on the facespace at about 10pm saturday night... and one of my friends had the following posted as their status:
" Would anyone like to trip with me tonight? Call or message me. I have the house to myself..."

naturally, because i'm ME, i called. i knew it was pretty late to embark on something that wouldn't let me sleep for at least 12 hours (and true to form, i didn't go to bed until 1pm sunday) but hell... how many times do you get to take up offers like that? especially off facespace?

some background: S. is a friend of mine who does body work - what he does is totally unique, and is a blend of massage, yoga, chiropractic work, and energy work. kinda. it combines elements of all these things, but is not quite any of these things. he will tie you into a pretzel knot on the floor, but when you're done your whole body will tingle. he's not "professionally" trained, but he is awesome.

all of this sorta-but-not-quite explains how i ended up with his head between my thighs as we were trying to adjust his neck.

see, while we were waiting to start tripping, we were chatting and of course i was popping my neck loudly and grossly, as always. (i have a history of bad neck stuff...remind me to tell you why, it's a really funny story.) so he pulled me over and began twisting me into shapes.

the way S. works is that he will use any and every body part to bend and twist you to release tension. it's very interactive. so in exchange for me learning some stuff and helping him with some back/neck/shoulder tension, he did some work on me. which is fantastic.

i was massaging his neck/shoulders by having him lie on his back, and cradling his head in my hands. try this at home, kids, it's lots of fun: you get your massagee to lie down, and you sit at their head. you can just do all this with your hands but if they had bad shoulder tension, you can also massage their shoulders with your feet while you're working on their neck. i was doing this to S. until he mentioned that he thought he needed more tension on his neck. "HOW?!" i said. he looked speculatively at my legs.

which is now i found myself lying down with my thighs around S.'s neck, while squeezing hard enough for it to feel like a workout, dangling my head off his futon, and laughing hysterically. the only thing that would have made it all look any funnier is if he had been face down between my legs, instead of looking towards the ceiling. i was just waiting for his roommates to walk by the door and quadruple-take. but hell, i guess if they live with him they ought to be used to that sort of thing by now.

it was right about then when we realized we were starting to peak.

that night S. showed me maybe THE most fun toy on the planet. it's so simple. you need
1) a black light
2) beads, of this variety:

3) some of those beads must be black light reactive. but not all of them. well, i guess you could have all of them be reactive, but i don't think it would be as much fun.

anyway, just take a bunch of beads, and throw them on the floor, turn on a black light, turn off the regular lights. it was described to me by S. as "everything Brite Light wanted to be, but couldn't manage" and he was so right.

turns out when you have black light reactive beads scattered among regular beads, if you simply shuffle them around with your hands, you get ever-changing black light patterns. i'm sure you could also create designs with the black light beads and make pretty pictures, but i just had fun messing with them on the rug.

the most fun toys are usually the simplest. definitely in this case.

further quotes from the night: "well of course hardship is hard. but a hardship will get you where you want to go. think about it, if it were a soft ship, you're sure as shit gonna sink!"

ah S., you totally rocked my saturday night. let's do that again sometime shall we? how's next week looking for you???

; ]

Saturday, December 4, 2010

well, that went well...

reeemember how i said i was going to wear my brand-new awesome pendent/earring for good luck to work yesterday?
yep, it totally worked.
i spent the whole day just hanging out with some guys who bought table dances. i didn't come home with gold-teeth money, but i didn't work hard at all, so it was a good trade.

so i have a question/poll here, how many people read this thing?
do you read regularly or did you just stop by once or twice? do you mind dropping a note to tell me you're here? i like to know who i'm blathering on to. : ]

at this point i know i have three or four solid readers, who else is out there?


just fucked around with the blog. how does everyone like the bus photo on the sides? too much? let me know.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

miscellanea, and why grandparents really suck sometimes.

today i got my pendant from CrazyLady!
i'm so excited. only i didn't have a chain, so i made it into a lonely earring. looks great! the picture is blurry, but hey, you try taking a picture of the side of your head in bad lighting.

she's selling great pendents, rings, and also earrings (in pairs, no less!) to help raise funds for one of her cats who is sick, so please, if you like jewelry, go check out CrazyLady's blog, or her Etsy page, and pick something out! Jete the cat will thank you.

so, my birthday dinner went great on sunday! check out how awesome this place was, even the food was cute:

plus, they actually knew how to make a mint julep, unlike so many other supposedly top notch restaurants and bars... (i'm nodding in your direction, Pacific Northwest. you know it.)

For The Record, this is how you make a mint julep:

1 shot bourbon, equal amounts simple syrup, mint, and water. not club soda, water. and for the love of all that is holy, no fucking lemon should be muddled into a julep! it's gross, plus, a julep is a traditionally sweet drink.
y'all, i come from kentucky; i know how this is supposed to work.

this is a very simple recipe, but somehow people fuck it up all the time. especially with the lemon. blegh.

it's my signature drink pretty much (if i'm not drinking bourbon or scotch straight up, that is) so it really irks me. so, a small tutorial, for the public, because hey, this is important. a good mint julep should almost taste like mint tea.

put ice, and mint into mixing cup. mash liberally. add bourbon and simple syrup. shake, strain out the squished mint, add water to taste, and garnish with more mint.
THAT is a proper julep, and it is delicious, and easy.

i wore this,
and he wore this,
and dinner was freakin' great.

also, how cute is this card that Matt's mom gave me?

presents, presents everywhere, and all of them for me!!!
ahem, okay, enough birthday crap and back to regularly scheduled ridiculousness.

so, i am weird, and i know i'm weird but sometimes i don't realize it until halfway through an action so bizarre that it gives even me pause.
for example. i'm reading this book, mostly because i flipped through it at the store, decided some of her theories are way off base as a generalization, and i decided to get the book in order to read it, then send her a letter and argue, basically, as a person who has been there as opposed to someone who is studying strippers. it's academic reading, so i haven't been racing through it, so it's been sitting by my bedside. it looks like this:

so, i was eating fruit snacks the other night, in bed.
now this part needs a tad bit of explaining; i am odd about food when it comes in multiple flavors. i will tend to "organize" it and eat it according to flavors, from "worst" to favorite flavor, and yes, i realize this screams OCD. i don't care, i've been doing it since i was a child.
so, since i was in bed, i grabbed the nearest book to line my fruit snacks up by color. this particular brand of fruit snacks i was eating is a bit sticky, so after i ate them, i noticed that my book was sticky, so me being the lazy and gross human being i am, i started licking the sticky residue off my book. it wasn't until about halfway through getting the sticky off my book that i realized i was literally licking this book woman's crotch free of sticky candy.

only me.

in other news, i have been doing a lot of letter writing (if you are lucky and a good pen pal, you, too! can get letters from me... sexay, i know) and i thought i would grace y'all with a picture of my old typewriter. no electric for me, i'm not playing around. this little guy is from the forties, and is appropriately cantankerous. the letter there is headed for Angry Mandy, who is appropriately awesome.

and i got a card just today, that was not so awesome. this is where the "grandparents" part of my title comes in. i got a blah Hallmark whatever-it's-your-birthday generic card, and within, i found this:

if you can't read that it says,
“When are you going to get you a better job kid? Working in a bar is no job for someone with a college degree. Hope you can find a decent job. Join the Navy & you can travel the world & write & study & get paid all at the same time. Give it some thought kid. Love you.”

why thank you, sooo much. of course i want to go join the navy, and besides, i just love working a job that doesn't let me use my intellect!

well, two can play that passive aggressive game, and i was working on sending out Solstice/Yule cards, so i sent them this in their card:
"Thanks for the birthday wishes, but I'd rather chew off my own foot than join the Navy; I'm not good with following orders. I think I'll keep my bar job. Happy Holidays!"

jeez, now what sort of wishes should i be expecting in my Xmas card from the Grans?