Welcome to Hell

Welcome to hell. Please take a number. Her Evilness will be with you when she damn well feels like it.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

back to "regularly" scheduled programming...

ah, what a new (used) mac can bring! updates on my favorite bloggers, and a whole bunch of time-wasting activities (a la facebook...)
at last, i am back.

now, it comes to my attention that "stripping" might not be specific, so for the record:
stripping, as in dancing, topless. in new orleans, currently, on bourbon street.

FAQs:
OMG reallly?
yes, really. for, i am not ashamed of my job. like any other job, it has great perks and also big drawbacks, which often result in really funny stories.

do your parents know???!?!?!!!!
yes. for reasons that are actually hilarious, and will no doubt be written about one day, when i am not being lazy. while i wouldn't say either of them "approve," per se, they accept it just fine.

does your boyfriend know?
knows, and accepts. possibly encourages. "conflicted," says he. i believe his biggest issue with my job is possible safety issues. nice people are not on bourbon street, this is undeniable.

do you like it?
gah, that's complicated! yes, and no. yes, because it's easy. no real schedule, i get to drink on the job, and sometimes it's really, really easy money. i don't mind being naked in public, or talking to total strangers. and i really, really love dancing, and being a performer, and having a stage to do it on.
no, because some customers are just fucking asshats, and fail to treat you like a human being, much less one deserving respect. but then again...jobs. they sometimes do and do not come with lots of dignity. eh?
now, i've been doing this on and off, for five years. so obviously it's not something i absolutely hate.


that probably about covers the very FAQs, others may be asked in comment box below, and NOW... to the point of this blog (HA...)
What I AM UP TO RECENTLY.

mostly dancing. see, in new orleans, almost all the local clubs are right on, or a block off, bourbon street. it's like one big street full of half-naked. especially with all the tourist girls flashing for beads.
(news flash, y'all? they're plastic beads. not worth flashing for, every local knows this...)
so, since vacating the country bar, i've been at the Club, which we will not name for fairly obvious reasons. i could be surfing back and forth to several clubs, but i tend to like one, and stick to it. makes for ease of not having to cart a whole bunch of stripper shit around.
nice things in this club:
great big dressing rooms, with tons of lockers. there's a washer/dryer and showers, and it's actually clean, which can be a total rarity in strip clubs. it has granite stages, one stationary pole, and one spinner pole.
comes with the requisite staff, some awesome bartenders/waitresses, the usual mix of customers.

saints games are crazy down here, especially home games, and good times to be running around a bunch of sports nuts, half naked, in black and gold. supposedly i'll be going into work tomorrow for said game, however: i have felt like crapola all week long, and have only managed to go in for two days.
like i said, any jobs has a perk or two, and at this particular club, all you have to do is show up whenever you want to work. now, the managers may call and try to persuade you in on other days, but if you don't go it, it's not like they can fire you, unless you're doing something like turning tricks in the VIP rooms, or Being a Drunken Mess All Of The Time. (some clubs might tolerate this behavior, but mine doesn't. which is a good portion of the reason i like it.)
so, if i want to be lazy for a week, i can be. it's nice. especially when you're feeling badly. on the other hand, i don't make any money on my couch. being self-employed sometimes requires you to be more motivated than usual about working, or you won't ever work.

since i don't really have any motivation at the moment (to work or really do a good job at blogging, or at least being funny) i will give you a random list of interesting/amusing/horrifying things that have happened at work recently.

in the past couple weeks i've talked to people from: canada, india, scotland, england, turkey, and probably at least 3 other places i'm forgetting. oh, switzerland. the scots and swiss were hot.

a guy totally licked my ear during a lapdance... i literally gave a full-body shudder, and took the sleeve of his t-shirt and scrubbed the shit out of my ear. you can best believe i beat it post-haste after that dance to the bathroom to have an impromptu bath.
attention, strip club patrons: tongue in ear is NOT hot. EVER. I DO NOT LET MY BOYFRIEND(OR GIRLFRIEND) DO THIS. get a clue!
second...even if i liked this, it's still not appropriate to do to your friendly neighborhood stripper, unless you receive verbal go-ahead.

i found out one of the DJs, who is normally a wonderful person, won't play Sparta and At the Drive-In for me, and this makes him suck a bit.

i drink one particular brand of bourbon at work (Bulleit, for the interested, it's a small batch and it's both tasty and affordable), and i found out that the bar goes through about a bottle of it per week. now, i am usually the probable sole drinker of this bourbon, which makes me feel a tad bit alcoholic. i'm not, but still, that's a bit in excess of how much i usually drink.
drinking on the job is probably not so good for you. also, living in new orleans probably doesn't help. i'm fairly convinced drunk driving is an unofficial louisiana sport or something. the culture here is swimming in the sauce. (not bashing, i'm just saying...we drink. a lot. hell, i have a monday night club devoted to this sport.)

aaaand, let the comments commence!!!

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4 comments:

Sara said...

Oh man, it always cracks me up to see drunk bitches flashing titties for beads. Dude, those beads are shit anyways! You can never figure out what the fuck to DO with them after Mardi Gras because they serve NO PURPOSE. ha! It's so nice to have another Louisiana blogging friend. : )

valkyrie said...

ha, i finally figured out what to do with my beads:
give them to my friends who march in mardi gras parades. i win!
(otherwise...goodwill? house decorations for february? who knows!)

alycatison said...

I give my beads (won with several layers of clothing on, since Mardi Gras was freakin' cold!) to various do-gooders who bag them and sell them for money to fund their charities. I send the best catches home to teachers in Alabama and Mississippi to throw at their schools' parades.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're having fun. I miss seeing y'all on Mondays, but my library job is bunk.

valkyrie said...

yeah, that's a great idea too! if i have extras (and i'm sure i will...) i'll donate mine too!

boo, library, for not letting you get drunk with us on mondays!
but yay jobs, at least??
i went on craigslist today searching for jobs, it was highly depressing.