can't... breathe...

i'm sorry i'm being so spectacularly boring and reblogging/youtubing it lately, for i am The Lazy.

but this is wayaaaayyyy too funny not to be shared.

"THIS GUY doesn’t know how to drive on backroads at-fucking-all. SIXTY-FIVE CROTCHMUNCH.
You know what? If I kept a crate of dildos next to me in the car, it would really send the, “you’re a dick,” message home. I mean, it’s got a natural handle and stick in it and some good heft–I bet if I wanged it hard enough at a car, I would bust up some of that tempered glass. Nothing would say, “FUCK YOU,” like a pink glitter dildo getting whizzed at your windshield. I mean, what would you even say when that happens?
“Hold on Hank, there’s a giant wang stuck under my wipers!”  "

go here.  you will not be disappointed by the humor.  at least if i'm not making you laugh today, someone damn well better, eh???

"I bet if I wanged it hard enough at a car..."

OOOOOMMMGGG.  dying.