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Wednesday, June 1, 2011


i'm not the most normal person on the planet.

i'm assuming this, because my dad got me really, really drunk tonight, and it's not exactly far from the norm, in our daily interactions.  also, he expressed the opinion that he was surprised that i could keep up with him.  and of course, i said, "of course i can keep up with you.  i could beat you.  it's just that it wouldn't be a good idea."  and all that is true.  i could beat my dad.  it's just that i wold be in private puke-y hell if it happened. 

anyway, that's not what i am here to write about, although my dad is hil-AR-ious* and could spawn an entire blog's worth of quotes.  if i'd thought of "shit my dad says" before whoever thought of it did, i could have smacked his dad clear out of the water.  but that's all history. 

whatever.  there are more important things to discuss. 

i will assume that sneezing while pissing does happen to everyone.  i'm sure it's messier for dudes, if it happens.  but who cares.  it probably does happen to everyone.  but it's especially hilarious for the womens out there, because we can hear it happen, VERY clearly. 

we've all been there, don't lie to me.  while you're peeing, that sneeze will sneak up on you.  you're peeing, and all of a sudden -  aaaaahhhh -chooooo!!!!!!

and your pee stream goes from teenkle-tiiinkle to whoooooshhh-spahlOOOOshhh within 1.3 seconds. 

and then you're back to that whole tinkle shit, thinking, wow, if only that sneeze thing happened more often, i could pee three times as fast, only if it did, you'd probably piss all over the bathrooom.

ahem.   not that i'm in the habit of pissing all over the bathroom.  or for that matter, that it's happened at all when i wasn't drunk as shit

*points accrued if you get this reference.


Brandy Wilcoxen said...

I asked the Mountain Man what it was like for him and he said it shuts off and he has to concentrate to make it go again.

Satan said...

hmm. matt says there's not a difference in peeing harder, more that you're must praying you don't miss the toilet when you do it.

PorkStar said...

Actually for dudes it depends. Sometimes we too get the huge stream coming out but it fucking hurts! I imagine because of the friction of how fast it comes out, it's not a nice feeling.

Or you can stop and then sneeze. Sometimes the energy comes out the other end, if you stop it in the front.