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Monday, April 25, 2011

it gets you sprung, son. also: musings upon filthy habits

this may be the best thing i've found on the internet lately.   wow.  

"not work out so much on her glutes."  snort.

i've never been on reddit, but they might have a point.

schoolhouse rock:  "and i have a genetic impulse to pass on my hereditary traits, yeah.  you kids getting this?  glutes are the bomb!"

oh, internet.  one day it will be possible for us to marry.  until then, we'll have to continue our illicit love affair.

in other completely unrelated news, i've been sorta kinda picking back up my absolute favorite dirty nasty filthy habit.

i'm referring to smoking (cigarettes... i am not giving up my favorite non-addictive weed habit), jeez guys, get your minds out of the gutter.

(no selling blowjobs on the street, OKAY??  that is dirty filthy too (the street), but it's probably much worse for you in the long run, given the nasty dudes who'll do it on the street, and the mean cops who wanna arrest you for the oldest profession in the world.  if you wanna sell it, be classy, y'all!  get a hotel.  not a gross motel, set yourself up - makes more money if you are all high-falutin',  i promise.

ahem.  i don't have personal experience here, but i do know a few very classy self-described whores, and they make nice money doin' it this way.)


i never smoked regular cigarettes, though, because i hate the taste.  although i'll fess up to occasional menthols and american spirits (they are really better, y'all.  price is worth it.)

oh, no.  i went a little bit more hardcore.

 i smoked/smoke cloves.  mostly because i like the taste.  but seriously, how badass does a black cig look?  really fuckin badass, and i will say so myself.
(the very picture of decadence, eh?  my shirt's only off because it was really damn hideous, but i like the effect.)

so of course i had/have a favorite brand, and that's djarum blacks.  SO DAMN GOOD.
(this is probably coming across as advocating smoking.  i'm not promoting it kiddies, ignore this stuff.  bad for you and all that shit.)

the black tin is what i kept them in, naturally.  so i could offer people a clove and be like, "cancer?  anyone want some cancer?"  then they'd usually say no with a horrified face, and i'd get to keep my deliciousness all to myself.  (also it kept me from squashing them by sitting on them.  i did squish the tin that way though (see left corner...).

but then stupid america fucked me over, and banned them, and stopped selling them, quelle horreur!!! (because apparently they are "flavored" and they make kids want to smoke them.  lemme tell you, they are not the kind of thing you just pick up and love.  first time i smoked one i thought my lungs would die.  when i picked them up as a habit, i smoked a few in a row, and i ended up hurling.  they are strong.) 

now they still sell them as djarum black "cigars" which really suck, compared to the original.  not only are they blah tasting, but they come in smaller packs  -

boo.  boo, i say!  fucking america.  y'all suck, evil lawmakers.
naturally when i heard this news, i stockpiled some packs, even though i'd stopped smoking them a while back.  because you can't get rid of my favorite nasty dirty filthy habit!!!

but i only have three packs left... and i'm jonesing... but i can't smoke them too quickly.  bah.

i have discovered, however, that you can get them on the internet, and they're the real deal, not those shitty "cigars" - so you bet your ass i'll be buying some, sooner or later. 

oh, internet, i love thee.  please marry me when it becomes legal.

1 comment:

Paula said...

I don't smoke, and usually hate the smell of any kind of smoke, but LOVE the smell of a clove cigarette. Back when I was in college you could smoke in the buildings, and the entire theater department had the faint smell of clove to it.