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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

it's disgusting, but you do it anyway... please stop.

(before you strain your eyes, the small print reads, "contemplate how to find a bag of marijuana lost in a field." yes, i did make the lighter. i collage all of my lighters. the other side is below...)

it's me, your lawful-abidin' citizen (cough), here to deliver a public service announcement.

i know a lot of potheads. hell, i was living in oregon for years. you get 20 people in a room, and maybe one or two of them don't smoke pot. obviously, i have no quarrel with pot smokers.  i'm one of them. 
: ]

the rest of them will maybe be stressed because they get the munchies and need to go to the store, but really, knowing potheads as i do, that's about the worst of your worries: a ton of people driving 15 miles under the speed limit to stumble around the grocery store, buy a whole bunch of junk food, and beat it back home. whoo, SCARY.

anyway, i'm picking on the potheads, not for the pot, but for a pothead-specific habit that really bothers me. and trust me, every single person who has ever smoked pot in a pipe has done it, at least once. even me. and it irks me anyway.

this: the bowl is dead. fair enough. so you go to cash it (read: empty the ash). but, instead of putting the ash/resin into the ashtray that is sitting right in front of you, it goes more like this:

person taps ash into hand
person proceeds to, variously, wipe ash on clothing, and/or blow ash onto the couch/carpet/bare floor.

THIS IS DISGUSTING. makes everything smell like resin, which, as most of us know, smells like ass. there is a reason i keep everything pot-related in a metal tin - keeps the smell in.

or this one, this is even grosser: if the pipe starts getting clogged or pulling through (read: getting small pieces of resin in your mouth, which is really disgusting),

clears pipe of resin with small metal utensil (safety pin, usually, unless you're fancy about it), then covers the carb (read: hole in other side of pipe from the mouth hole) and blows the resin out of the bowl of the pipe, usually onto the floor.

BLARGH! come on, guys! nasty. i understand the necessity of clean smoking utensils, but really, could this not be done outside, or at the very least, over the trash can??????

unfortunately, the majority of stoners is very, very lazy. (no, not all the time, because i know a lot of really intelligent and/or highly kinetic/ADD stoners (read: me). but definitely, when high, lazy. lazy, lazy, lazy, myself included.) this is why this gross shit happens. and it's really gross. y'all have to get some better habits in order here. preserve cleanliness, it's a dying art!!!

but i love you, potheads and stoners. most of you are my buddies, and you're good people, and most of you are generally pretty clean people. so, i'll show you some love, in the form of pictures of the PERFECTLY LEGAL TOBACCO SMOKING PIPE that my wonderful ex-roommate made for me. (snort)

it's made of pipe stone (which is a stone that the Natives have been using forever to make pipe bowls), a stone that doesn't get hot easily. the bottom is made of wood. (D, the ex-roommate, is a master woodworker.) it's also small, and fits perfectly into my little metal tin. he made it for me for Yule, to my specifications. if you see the little pencil-marks on the top there, he had originally intended to inlay malachite and silver in a nightshade-inspired design, but ran out of time.

i have good friends. : ]

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