Verizon's "Big Red" commercial. the line "you'll watch youtube on a horse....when you use it!!!" gets stuck in my head like superglue, so every time this fucking commercial comes on, i shriek "MUTE IT, MUTE IT, MUTE IT!!!" until Matt grabs the remote.
Crumbs. FUCK YOU, CRUMBS. you are everywhere. all over my goddamn counter, even though i cleaned it just two days ago, since my mother came to town and she's a neat freak, and you're already BACK ON MY COUNTER! I HATE YOU!!!
Kitty litter. it's not the litter, it's the fact that the cat tracks the litter all over the fucking bathroom: into MY TUB, and MY SINK, and all over the tile where i have to put my BARE FEET at 4am when i'm half-awake and not looking where i'm stepping. fuck you, litter. or maybe, fuck you, Fuzzbutt.
Dirty dishes sitting in scummy, cold water. HURK! URGHHH! RUN!!! ::pant, pant:: this is why i cook dinner, in hopes that i can guilt the Matt into washing said dishes. and usually this works, which is why i love the Matt.
Coasters that stick to the bottom of a wet glass. well, technically this is Matt's irrational hatred, because he is a bit jumpy and every time he lifts a beer and a coaster comes clattering to the floor, he is very startled.
Bartenders who don't understand simple directions. look, if i come into your family restaurant, and i want a double bourbon, neat, in a highball, DO NOT GIVE ME WHISKEY, WITH ICE, IN A FUCKING PINT GLASS, YOU DIM TWAT. if i can do your job better than you AND I HAVE NO BARTENDING TRAINING, then come on, patently i need your job more than you.
Rabid Conservatives and/or Rabid Religious Types. no, wait, that's not irrational, never mind.
Sand on Hardwood floors. that gritty feeling...so damn creepy. actually, any sort of debris that i can feel on my feet on my floor. you'd think this would make me a clean freak...
Plants that die because i forget to water them. DAMN YOU, WHY DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO GUILTY???
Brick Weed. i just lived in Portland, Oregon for four years. DON'T GIVE ME THIS CRAP.... y'all growers can do better, AND I KNOW IT!
high fructose corn syrup. fucker, i am trying to avoid you. to be "healthy" and shit. WHY ARE YOU IN BLOODY EVERYTHING I LOVE?
all i can think of for now, although i am sure there are others.
like you wannabe "gangsta" motherfuckers, lookin' like a fool with your pants belted around your thighs. i don't care how big you think it is, YOUR DICK WON'T HOLD UP YOUR PANTS. and your underwear is fugly.
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