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Saturday, April 3, 2010

so then, according to your study, i shouldn't exist...

i read a lot of other people's blogs (yes, eventually, i will create a methadone list for y'all of all the cool things i waste my time upon).
lately i've been reading mostly sex and feminist blogs, and i've been reading about these abstinence groups, and studies that the "hook-up culture" is flawed and will lead to dissatisfying relationships, blah blah blah. of course, i've also read studies that say that people who engage in casual hook-ups are no less emotionally stable than their monogamous or chaste peers.

frankly, i have to agree with the studies that say there is no difference. this is why:

the Matt and i met up in the first place in more of a hook-up atmosphere(ie, we met online...). i just asked Matt what he was looking for in the first place when we met, and he said, "female companionship, with either sex involved, or friendship." he wasn't looking for a Girlfriend, by any stretch of the imagination.

which was good, as he met ME, and i was interested in Sex, Sex, and possibly someone to hang out with, in that order.
true to my form, it only took 2 dates for the both of us to get laid, and to be fair, that was only because he left early on the first "date," (drinking beer at the pub), leaving me a bit miffed that there was no sex involved. i'd had high hopes. ; ]

Matt and i were regular fuck buddies after date two. our activities consisted of fucking, drinking beer, making beer (he, and now we, home brew beer, and also mead), watching movies on netflix, and more fucking. this continued for a long, long time.

(so HA to all you who think fuck buddies are a myth.)

now according to some of these studies, (and i question their scientific method), our activities should have lead to alienation, and deadening of emotions, and a lot of other things that didn't happen. instead, we kinda ended up in a relationship. granted, it wasn't what either of us would have predicted.

i don't have much of a point here, i just take exception to studies and people telling me how my behavior is going to make me feel, when patently THEY AREN'T ME and in actuality have NO FUCKING CLUE.

for example: how does the fact that i've had meaningless hookups regularly throughout my life somehow make me "damaged" or less likely to have meaningful relationships? for the record, most of the random hookups i've had in the last few years have actually led to real, wonderful friendships that lasted long after a few nights of random sex.

also: how can ANYONE be judged on how many sexual partners they have had in their lifetime? the ONLY thing i can say is the more people you have sex with over your life, the more statistically likely it is that you could be exposed to STI's.

HOWEVER. that doesn't mean anything, except that the more people you are with, the more diligent you should be regarding safe sex practices, getting tested regularly for STI's, asking partners if they have been tested recently, etcetera.

huh, our power just went out. i bet that's because there's a large fire in NOLA not too far away from us.

oh well, i can continue typing until i run out of battery.

my point is, it doesn't matter how many sexual partners anyone has had, and it doesn't matter if you engage in hooking up.
what matters, is that YOU and you alone are comfortable and happy with your sexual practices. and that is the ONLY opinion you should give a shit about.

i mean, i am not a hetero-normative soul, here. yes, i do sleep with men. i also sleep with women. the people i have slept with are roughly split in half, in regards to gender. i am also not a great fan of forced monogamous relationships.

now, if monogamy is what floats your boat, rock on. it doesn't float me. so even though i am in a relationship, and happy, doesn't mean i'm going to stay at home every night. right now i'm sorta seeing someone (female), we'll see where that goes.
i realize this isn't the usual, and i don't care. it's what makes me happy.

i say all this to point out that there is no normal. normal is what you want it to be.

i'm sick of misogynists, and the whole "slut-shaming" bullshit. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SLUT. there is such a thing as unhealthy behavior, but it still isn't your business if it isn't your body.

mind your own business, y'all, and tend to your own enjoyment. do what makes you happy, and don't buy into all the sex-negative bullshit that's fed to so many people. and if you disagree, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.


and now back to regularly scheduled humor blog.

edit: after two bars in the french quarter, my power is finally back on...yay!!!

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