Welcome to Hell

Welcome to hell. Please take a number. Her Evilness will be with you when she damn well feels like it.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

my Minions, we've got Mail.

for the record:  when i say email "stalk," what i mean is, send me funny shit.  ask me really weird questions.  start up a dialogue if you want to be my friend, and not just read the blog.  you know, shit like that.
because guys, this is a humor blog, and that's what we do here.  we do funny shit.

now that i've dispensed with that, check out the gem i just got in my email, guys. 
parenthetical comments are mine, of course.

I can't find the words right now.... (you're damn right... what the fuck is this in my inbox?)  you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. (...i post pictures of me making weird faces and doing stupid shit, in my pajamas.  REALLY??? I just want to send as much good will as I can your way, as I have seen from the little bits of your blog that you suffer from a condition... (yes, i do.  it's called humor.  my bipolar doesn't define me, and it's not a "condition."  it's a disease.  you know, like being diabetic.  thank fuck i'm not diabetic, though, i love sugar waaaaaaaayyy too much for that.)  Wow, that sounds kinda dumb as I read it back to myself...  (well yes, that feeling is what comes when you write a random love letter to a stranger on the interwebs.)  Your face, eyes, hair & smile are bewitching.  (oh, fuck no... just stop now.)  I hope I can recover my bespelled tounge (well technically this is correct if you are speaking archaic English, but it's tongue for the rest of us)  soon and can write you a better email, (please don't) but for now, just know that a very mezmerized (mesmerized, yo - you spelled that wrong too, and yes, i am a grammar nazi - degree in creative writing, remember?) man is taking you up on your offer to email stalk you.   (please, please don't.  "stalk" is a joke, alright?  no more love letters, it's creepy.)

here, my minions, is an example of what not to send me.  if you have anything funny, lob it my way.  if you want to tell me my humor is awesome, fire away.  there are lots of awesome things you can send me by email.
but, if you want to talk about my physical appearance, i'm not interested in an ego boost.  i have a boyfriend for that stuff.  besides, it's really not relevant, and kinda sexist. 

and now, back to regularly scheduled humor.


Brandy Wilcoxen said...

Oh wow! That was creepy . . .and yet I'm still jealous that I don't have a creepy stalker dude....I have issues.

Nora N. :) said...

i <3 you have my babies!