i'm laaazy. yes, i am. i consider it a talent.

i've been busy (well... for me at least) lately - first, my brother came to invade my house visit for two weeks.

and THEN, i went back with him & my dad to go visit the parental units.  at least half, because they have pools, and dad lives on the beach. yeah, pensacola!  so i became a mermaid for a week, completely leaching the 6 random colors out of my hair in the process.  eh, colors can always be fixed.  worth it!

just when i got back to my own house, my brother, the Matt and i all left, to go visit Austin.  fact:  you can definitely go on a vacation with $75 in spending money for two people.  other fact:   bring food.  and you'll be doing a LOT of walking...

anyway, Austin was fabulous, despite the fact that the high temp was at least 104 the whole time we were there.  at least there's no humidity, and the breeze off the river is quite nice.  plus, cool nights!

i'm sooo excited to be moving there at the end of this year.  love NOLA, but i'm ready to leave.  i'm a traveler at heart; if i didn't have so much shit, i would probably pack a car and just... go everywhere.

now: i have good stories to share about being with the parents and Austin, and about how i was almost in an orgy last night...

it'll have to wait though, because i have to go to the strip club & try to save my broke ass... hahah. ass.  yes, a lot of people will be seeing that tonight.

on being in a pawn shop:

i've had lots of fun escapades i've been on recently that i've gotta fill y'all in on.  and i will.

but i have to tell you about my day today.  it was... special.
yes, life has gone a bit wonky at the Casa del Batshit, lately.

my strip club friends and i have this joke: "what is a B.A. in Creative Writing (my degree, for the record) good for?"  "stripping!!! bwahahahah."

well, it's not good for landing your dream job, that's for sure.  (oh please, someone even vaguely connected to the writing/editing field hire me... please!)

what a lot of people don't realize is that in NOLA there is a completely dead season, lasting all summer.  not that i blame the tourists for staying away from this heat.  i went to texas (austin - more on that later) and their 104 still felt a bit better than our 95. yeechh.

anywho, since all of the photobooth jobs are pretty much nil and void for the summer months, we've been... limping by.  well, more like crawling.  or maybe like a legless guy on a skateboard.  or doing the zombie body drag.
suffice to say, we are so poor it's not even funny. except it kinda is; i mean you have to laugh at it.  we're supposed to be grownups and shit (HA!), yet i'm more destitute right now than i was in college.

i currently have (looking up bank balance...) $1.92 in my bank account. no lie.
i don't know what the Matt has, but it's probably not much better.

so, to the end of getting some food in the house (i had beer yesterday for dinner), we went to the pawn shop with some assorted random jewelry, and a steel drum (have i mentioned Matt's a drummer?).
i'd brought some nice heavy silver pieces, and i'd looked up the price for silver per ounce: currently $43, for the record. and 14k gold is about $1040.  and here you can see what i mean...

to put this in perspective, an ounce is the maximum weight that you can send with one stamp.  it's not all that heavy, you know?

the pawn people offered $5 for a steel drum worth $80+ so obviously we didn't sell that.  then, i tried the jewelry. i had a nice heavy silver bracelet, and a silver necklace with turquoise.
pawn lady had the audacity to tell me my bracelet wasn't even silver. do i LOOK like i'm stupid?  for fuck's sake, i was with my mom when she picked that out for me in like 7th grade - it's definitely silver.  then, she claimed that my turquoise was not, in fact, turquoise.  i wanted to scream at her - my dad's an antique dealer, and you're not fooling me, you lying bitch!  
unfortunately, i was still trying to get money out of her, so i held my tongue.


then, we went on to the gold.  now i don't know how much it weighed, but it wasn't hollow and light.  i told them i wanted $50 out of it.  this seemed like a good deal to me.  i'm sure the piece itself must have been $200+, and it was practically brand new.

those fuckers gave me $15 goddamn dollars!  if i didn't desperately need to eat today, i would have told them to fuck off.  unfortunately, i don't feel like starving to death anytime soon, soooo...

i understand pawn shops have to make money, i do.  but jesus fuck, no need to rip somebody off like that - surely a 100% markup should suffice, instead of a 400%!  cuz you know they're gonna sell that necklace for $100, they could have given me $50.

i call SHENANIGANS!

so we went to the walmart (i am a whole foods shopper - showcasing my desperation here) and bought: ramen, bread i'd normally never touch, lunch meat of the terrible kind, and american cheese.  hell. i had to get shit we could both eat for a week, on $15. what else do you do?

i don't even think i can explain my loathing for american cheese. i am a cheese snob. i think my face was probably pinched into the "mouthgun" look for the entire time we were in the store.

if any of you lovely people can figure out how to scrap together $600 by the end of the month let me know! i have to pay rent and my phone bill... and the utility bill, lest they shut off my electricity, air-conditioning, and internet.  quelle horreur!


we're rocking the pathetic around here.  ROCKING IT, i say!!!

it's completely true.

i love this almost as much as i love Meet the Feebles.

YOU'RE WELCOME... INTERNET!

i'd blame this on the booze, but frankly there's no excuse.  i am stone cold sober.  i mean it.  (actually that is quite a shame; maybe i should fix that.)
anyway, back to regularly scheduled idiocy.

i'm at my dad's place, stealing the neighbor's free internet.  my dad has probably never touched a computer in his life, so i was pleasantly surprised to get any sort of wireless signal.  it made me so happy.  i am your internet junkie.

of course, dad goes to bed much earlier than i do (i got him high, i'm sure that didn't help - or did he get me high? hmm...).
i have absolutely nothing to do here, once dad goes to sleep.
additionally, my lovely friend Anthony  just bought me a Nicki Minaj CD a few days ago, so i've had it on repeat.  and this bloody song is stuck in my head!

all of this is contextual,  but it absolutely, in no way, excuses this video.
yeah, just watch the damn thing.
whee!



i would like to point out a few things here:

you can see my butt in one of those shots, but i'm not telling which.
whatever, i'm wearing underwear and shit.

i am sunburnt as fuck.  i don't think you can see that in the video, but trust me when i say i'm lobster-colored.

i swear, i do not suck at dancing (this badly, at least... i mean, i am a white bitch).

this is what happens when you're dancing around in your dad's guest bedroom, sans choreography, because you obviously need a fucking hobby.

in case you wondered what 5 a.m. looks like at my house... well, this is pretty much it.  except this time it's a traveling show.

my dad's guest bedroom is the least decorated room in the house. i mean, there's only one painting in here - gasp!  as opposed to his living room...

zombie squid

jesusfuckholyshittingchristontoast this exists.

"in communist china, squid eat YOU."

camera porn!

y'all know i work weddings.  i work a lot of weddings.  most of them are pretty boring, to be honest.  but the one i worked on saturday...

well, it had me drooling.

the bride had provided really awesome vintage cameras, as well as an old typewriter.

the wedding planner couldn't figure out how to make the typewriter work for the life of them, even though the bride expected the typewriter to be an integral part of her guest list.

i went and fiddled, because i was evidently the only person at the entire wedding (including the bride...) who knew typewriters.  the only problem was that the ribbon was dry, so i just rewound the ribbon the other way, and got the typing to show up a little better.  it wasn't perfect, but it was a quick fix.

even though i have my own typewriter, i'm still lusting after a few more to add to my collection.

i love the shit out of my typewriter.

i love old cameras.  i would kill for these cameras!  if i were a meaner person, i would have slowly absconded with all of them - even the ones that didn't work.  : ]
well, who knows if any of them work.  they all looked a bit worse for wear.

still, how gorgeous is that???

oh, jesus fuck!  can i PLEASE steal this to put on my mantel???!?!??

still, my camera lust is somewhat placated by my own film camera.  i love it dearly.  even though it's "outdated" and i can't get any more professional photography gigs with film, i still love it.
although i could really stand to get a good DSLR...
i wish!  anyone got  $1500 to spare???  : /

 oh darling, darling film!

i recently took this camera to Jazzland, and had a ball.  i can't wait to see what i find, when i develop the film.

laughing at my younger self

whilst scrolling through my ten-year old blog (damned if i'll let the url to that one leak out...), i found a quiz.

i am not, and really never have been, the quiz-taking sort.  minus the purity quiz, because that one is fucking hilarious, especially when taken in groups of people.

however, a few friends have bullied me into some quizzes throughout the years.  

so when i found this one... well, i wanted to take it again, just to see what has changed, if anything.  yes, all the old answers are left unmolested...i last took this when i was 18 or 19.  so it's been a while (i'm 26).  i am, however, leaving out the really fucking boring questions.

new answers are in red.

Full name:  i'm so not gonna leak that one out...

ditto! 

Nicknames:  SATAN

ditto!  some things never change.

What Do You Look Like: red hair, green eyes, 5' 6", ridiculously sexy, (my boyfriend inserts random flattering things here), oh yeah, like a vampire....i never go out in the sun...

 5' 6", red hair, eyes that change from blue to green to grey, dependent upon mood & what color i'm wearing, as Matt says, "Fucking Hot," and i'm still pale-ass white, so i suppose the vampire thing still stands.

Parents: ....one female, one male, divorced

one awesome mom, one delightfully gay & flamboyant dad, still divorced, thank fuck!

Siblings: younger brother 

his name is Logan, and is also Appropriately Awesome.

Future Goals: drop out of school and become ridiculously famous, probably as a brilliant writer, and do all sorts of fun, slightly illegal things

become famous, DEFINITELY as a brilliant writer/blogger, and do shitloads of hilarious, fun, REALLY illegal things.  

What I Want To Be/Do: a writer....duh.....of course i could also be in a band, that would work too.

either of these professions would be awesome.  they also compliment each other, so that's a plus!

 Best Friends: uh.........angela...megrez...ronny....j&c, obviously, god knows who else...maybe i should be listening former best friends

Angela, Megrez, DEFINITELY NOT Ronny (douchebag ex #2), Kat, Anthony, Dave, i'd say the Matt definitely qualifies, shit, we live together.   i have many people i keep up with on the internet, that i'd consider good friends, even if they don't feel the same.

Special Talents Or Skills: i sing - beautifully - (oh shut up) - i've been told i'm great in bed.....i have a long tongue....i play like 3 musical instruments, dancing (all kinds), writing...

i play 5 instruments, i do in fact sing well.  i'm a former ballerina & gymnast, and i am still a dancer.  i'm not sure fucking is a talent.  does drinking count?  what about smoking lots of pot?

Little Known Talent You Possess: anything weird you can possibly do with a tongue

i can make a clover with my tongue.  can you?  ahem.  by the former statement, i did not mean weird sexual things.  although to be honest, i've probably done all of those, too.

Pets And Names: ronny....he's the only pet i have at the moment....

UGH!  ::shudder::  i was so dumb as a freshman in college.

2 cats, Punk (male) and Roxy (female), one rat, Squeak (female).

Hobbies: singing, dancing, READING, writing, listening to good music, sleeping, being generally scary and psychotic, and freaking people out in walmart, and oh yes, drinking blood

i was a teenage goth!!!  but no seriously, i was in the habit of biting people until they bled. 

i will admit to a fascination for blood.

i do read a lot; i write a lot.  i am actually singing under my breath, right now.  i probably don't annoy people in walmart anymore.  usually.

Collect: oh god, don't go there

i collect:  books, mostly.  i will admit to hoarding rocks, herbs, shoes, random stuffed animals, nail polish, and the occasional barbie.  (shut. up.)  i asked Matt, and he said, "Souls."

so yeah.

Type Of Car You Drive: piece of shit 92 buick

half-way okay Ford Explorer, 2000 i think.  or 99. 

Word Or Phrases You Overuse: .......you got me...... 

and, really, yeah, totally, fuck.

Favorite Shampoo Or Conditioner: bed head

well, i'm using several varieties of random organic conditioners.

as for shampooing, i'm using a baking soda mix, and a diluted vinegar rinse.

Have You Ever Been Skinny Dipping: oh yeah.....a lot...... 

well that hasn't changed.  but i swim naked a shitload more, now.

Do You Make Fun Of People:  often ....and loudly.....  

heheh.  okay, maybe i wasn't that horrible as a teenager.

 
Have You Ever Been Convicted Of A Crime: not yet....but waaay too close for comfort 

the sheer fact that i haven't been arrested for drugs, or being intoxicated in public, or being naked in public... well.  miraculous.

Do You Drink:......uh. college student. 

my boyfriend brews beer.  do i drink???  lmfao.  please pass the whisky.

Favorite Drink: dr.pepper, hot tea, sweet tea
whisky.  or beer.  or a mint julep. 

What Is Your Favorite Milk: whole....leave the fat grams in my shit!

skim milk is the most disgusting thing that i've ever had.  2% is acceptable.  i still buy whole milk.  mmm.

Who Are Your Crushes (They Can Be Famous Or Not): liv tyler, steven tyler , orlando bloom, most of the lead in LOTR...etc

ohmyfuck.  no.  nononono.  i'll admit to liv tyler.  and angelina jolie.  yeah, i don't really have a lot of crushes.  i either go after who i want, or i don't.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend or Husband/Wife: one blonde boyfriend

one red-headed boyfriend, and a few lady prospects, woo! 

Tattoos And Piercings: three holes in each ear, belly, tattoo on each wrist, one on small of back....more to come.....

 four holes in each ear, one belly, one nose piercing.  i used to have a hood piercing.  removed it because it was interfering with my sex life, not helping.  may try that again sometime.  

2 tattoos on each wrist, one on left forearm, one on right bicep, one on right ring finger, one on the small of my back, huuuge wings.  on my back.

Favorite Town To Chill In: new orleans is my oyster

new orleans has gotten old.  i miss living in portland!

but i think we're moving to austin next, soo...

What Is Your Bedtime: when the sun comes up

still that. 

Favorite Perfume/ Cologne : Ralph lauren romance, and so pink by gap...ya i know....ha ha

L'Occitane has many single-note floral perfumes.  i wear those.  also, Hove in new orleans has some really great scents:  notably, their tea olive scent.  

A Non-Sport Game That You Excel In: mortal kombat, motherfucker.

i can't play a damn thing that isn't on the Wii.  i kinda suck at Wii, too, but i don't mind as much.  i do occasionally suck ass at Guitar Hero, when others are playing it and they ask me to play.

 

Best Advice Ever Given: DO NOT STICK YOUR FINGERS IN THESE HOLES.

considering who that advice was about... yeah, it was terribly, horribly accurate.

"Kids, Do Not Fuck That Shit.  That Shit is GROSS."  - Bob Saget

Coolest Experience: ah.........can't think of one currently

that would probably have to be smoking pot under the Merry Pranksters' (& Ken Kesey's) bus Further, with a long-time hippie lights guy who used to do lights for a LOT of the old famous bands.  while wearing a backstage pass around my neck, because i was helping with the festival.  then, Zane Kesey caught us smoking under there, and just kinda shook his head, and walked away.  

so far, that is.  i'm sure i'll beat that, sooner or later.

Funniest Experience: the reason angela won't let me drive her car anymore

have you ever been on acid?  people are fucking hilarious on acid.  also, everything's hilarious to you, when you're on acid.

Scariest Experience: running from the cops

funny enough, i don't actually remember this one.  chances are i was stoned out of my mind.

Most Romantic Thing That Ever Happened To You: rose petals, cathedral...blanket....sex.....etc etc...

oh, gag me, teenage self!  

actually that wasn't romantic at all, since it involved sneaking blankets and ourselves under a fence, and fucking on the balcony floor of a cathedral which was under construction, therefore covered in debris.  and did you know that rose petals stick to your ass, when you fuck on them?

you know what, i actually fucking hate "romantic" gestures, for the most part.

although i have to say, the sweetest, most inexplicable thing anyone's ever done is bring me an armful of rosebuds - 217 of them, for no reason whatsoever.  i was bored, so i counted.

Favorite Thing To Do In The Summer:  skinny dipping at night, and hide from the sun

still pretty accurate.  i do like to go sunbathe occasionally. 

Favorite Type Of Music: everything but country, glory rock....etc.

i do like most types of music, but i'm damn sick of jazz!  i like good country, but nothing they'd play on CMT.  and i'm sick to death of most metal.  i do really love a few metal bands, though.

Groups/Singers You Enjoy: enigma....type o negative, the darkness.....heheh.   aerosmith, john mayor, marilyn manson, no doubt, smashing pumpkins, lots of people

whoo, this one's really changed.

bright eyes, ani difranco, modest mouse, death cab for cutie, the weepies, florence & the machine, and that is barely scratching the surface.

Favorite Animal(s): cats (and who didn't see that one coming?....)

true, but i also really love horses.

Favorite TV Show: buffy buffy buffy the vampire slayer, people!!!

also add Mad Men, True Blood, Weeds, and Dexter.

Favorite TV Game Show:  they all suck

this is very true.

Favorite Thing To Wear: black, scary things....or anything cuddly and fuzzy with jeans...or anything i steal from ronny....because it pisses him off

pajamas.  definitely pajamas. 

Favorite Magazine: JANE, vintage playboys, vogue, anything else i can butcher with scissors that doesn't have preteens in it

bust, bitch, vanity fair, new yorker, juxtapoz, hi-fructose, and i will admit to liking vogue in spite of myself.   

Favorite Fruit: cherries, and strawberries

also, raspberries, and blackberries.  

If You Could Dye Your Hair One Color What Would It Be: green

i've done green.  and black, and red, and burgundy, and orange, and purple, and pink, and blue...

If You Could Have A Tattoo Where And What Would It Be: what i already have, some wings on my back, some woad swirls on my hands and forearms......we're working on it..........

hmm, i think i might ix-nay the woad swirls, but it would look pretty cool.  so we'll see.  obviously, i have the wings.  and i have several other tattoo ideas in mind.

If You Could Turn Into Only One Animal Real Or Imaginary What Would You Be: black panther.....mmm, sexy

a housecat would be good.  cats have it easy, to be sure.  both of mine are lounging and napping right now.

Favorite Mentos Commercial: cuntos!!! the fresh fucker....hehehe

reeeally bad inside joke...

Is The Glass Half Empty Or Half Full: oh who cares already? 

 if it's beer, it's half-empty.  if it's whisky, half-full...

 What Is Under Your Bed: binders, drawers with underwear and towels, cameras, knives, lighters, razorblades, etc etc....and dust 

 heheheh  that was all?  drawings, posters, paintings, several suitcases, a car seat, fake hair (for when i want to braid mine up), boxes of who-knows-what, a bag for things drum set related, and whatever else Matt's shoved in there by now.  plenty.  i'm sure i've forgotten a few things.

If You Were To Kill Someone, What Method Would You Choose: cyanide, or a really sharp blade, or tearing to bits with my teeth......

poison is good.  knives are fine.  sniper rifles are better.  depending on the hatred level, a titanium spork could be used, with much pleasure.

 
If You Could Be Anything In A Kitchen, What Would You Be: uh huh.  really fucking good champagne???? or maybe some reallllly good whisky

ditto.

What You Notice About The Opposite Sex First:  PENIS!!!!!!!.....lol, no i'm kidding...i don't know!  it's a package deal.

oh haha, i was so punny.  i look at faces first, i think.  for the opposite, and the same sex.

 
Are You A Virgin:........obviously, no

bwahahahahah!

Something You Hate: mornings, going to class, stupid people, cigarette smoke in clouds when i come out the dorm.....hot weather

well that about covers it!

 

 i'm torn between wanting to laugh, wanting to cry, and thinking that i really haven't changed all that much.

unfortunately, for the rest of the world.

so yeah, sorry for making y'all read a damn quiz.  although, i am thinking about taking the purity test again...

UPDATED:

yeah, i took the purity test again.  the 1,000 question whopper.

it took a while.

anyhow, i'm 38.4% pure.  ha.  as opposed to, 40-something% the last time.

i claim the test is partly unfair, as i blatantly can't have sex with a blow-up doll, and other various things.  come on, like 10 questions about having sex on a boat?  psshh.

anyhow.

so if you're bored...

how not to injure yourself all the effing time - UPDATED UPDATE!

number one, first and foremost:  have good vision.  if your eyes don't see in 3-d so well... you're kinda fucked, and destined to hit yourself on everything - but most often, the coffee table.

number two:  don't take ballet.  no, seriously.  ballet may make you graceful on a stage, but it doesn't translate so well into real life.  every ballerina i've ever known who was well-trained experienced the same annoyance.  we called it the "ballerina's curse."

see, ballerinas are trained to never, ever, ever look at the floor.  eyes up and ahead, ladies!  up to the stage lights!  

when you get out into the real world, never looking at the ground is a fucking safety hazard.  that's the other reason i trip over shit and run into the coffee table.  consequently, i have constant unexplainable bruises.  they'll be huge and i won't even notice until Matt points them out.  then i don't know how they happened, because i run into shit all the damn time.

don't be fucking crazy! otherwise, random strangers will think it's totally cool to talk to you about your "problems" and touch your arms.  um, no. 
additionally, don't be an unmedicated bipolar teenager.  avoid that, too.

also, don't have terrible, terrible break-ups, and be fucking crazy simultaneously.

take the damn crazy pills!

don't need to have blood drawn, and then have to work immediately after at a strip club, where you use that same arm & elbow to swing around the pole.  otherwise, your bruises won't go away for a week.  yep.  aren't y'all glad i tried that out, so you don't have to?

don't work at a cowboy-themed bar, and back into someone wearing spurs.  really, don't.  those fuckers are sharp, and you will have a line of spur marks down your leg that are utterly impossible to explain.

don't accidentally step on a dog's paw.  or if you do, make sure that the dog in question isn't a vicious piece of shit biting mongrel who makes you bleed, and later, scar.  fucker.

don't get your foot stomped on, twice, probably very intentionally, by your piece of shit "boss" in above mentioned cowboy bar.  additionally, they really need to make steel-toed cowboy boots, pronto.

you should also probably avoid catching the longest nail you have on your clothing, and ripping that fucker off.  yeah.  definitely don't do that.

don't worry though, that's not blood.  it's iodine.  i don't need any fingernail infections.

i've been down that road once before.  i was a kid, and it got all infected and pus-y underneath my fingernail... well, that fingernail has never been the same since.  for the longest time it had this huge bump underneath it, but thankfully that went away sometime in high school.



don't try to dead-leg someone when he knows MMA, because he will jerk his knee up and whack the everloving shit out of that bone on your wrist.  because that shit will immediately start swelling.



of course, what makes it worse is that it's your fault, really.  and your wrist will hurt like fuck the next day, and be swollen and bruised.



do feel free to take it out on the bearer of the aforementioned knee.  because he's a masochist, and fond of pain.  do everything but draw blood.  doesn't that feel better, now?

 

of course, 30 minute later when his skin is like magic-healing, you'll be disappointed.  but still.  worth it!

in short?  don't be a klutz, don't be me, and uh, don't get drunk enough to fall down stairs in high heels.  i can tell you from experience that it's a reeeallly bad idea.



UPDATE:
as though that whore, mother nature, had intended me to REALLY get my point across, i fell down my front steps today.

see, what had happened was...

our stairs are really slick when it's raining, which it has been doing all week, on and off.  i was wearing flip flops, and going outside to call the cat from our porch.
i take one step down, and next thing i know, i'm bouncing on my ass straight down the stairs, which are concrete.  at least i got stopped by the railing, otherwise i imagine i'd have gone all the way down.

so yeah.  these are the steps.

and this is the utterly massive bruising and swelling that my little adventure today got me.  and funny enough, i imagine it'll look even worse tomorrow, so i may post that too, if i feel so inclined.

my ass hurts.

so yeah.  in short?  how to NOT injure yourself all the fucking time, is evidently to NOT be me.
now you know!



EVEN MORE UPDATED:

i was right.  it is sooooo much worse this morning.  in fact, i took pictures of it all night as it got worse.  i was in disbelief.

see how excited i am, that it hurts like hell to sit on my ass?  note: sarcasm completely intended.

there's nothing quite like taking pictures of your bruised-up ass to post them on the internet.

so, this is today.  quite bright.  i imagine it'll be gone, oh i dunno, two weeks from now???

the injuries around here seem to be catching.  so now we're calling the Fuzzbutt Scarface, until further notice.

picking up the pieces of the niiiight...

 oh, shit.  this isn't gonna be good.

jesus fuck, my head hurts.
is it really 8:30am?
fuck.  it is.
oh man, i must have been hammered last night.

check available evidence:  damnit.
i didn't mean to sleep in these pants, they're dirty.
is that a plate beside the bed?  yep.  sandwich crumbs.  i don't remember eating a sandwich.
crap.

okay, chug some iced tea.  it's gonna be okay, my pounding head, it's gonna be okay.
sooner or later.

shit, did i leave the groceries from last night in the car?  whew - no, they're on the kitchen counter.  shit, did i get the cold stuff from my friend's fridge last night at MNDC?  i don't remember doing that - but it's in my fridge, so i must have.  or maybe Matt did.  or maybe my brother.
goddamnit, i hate it when this happens!

why in motherfucking hell is half of my hair stuck together in one big mat?


did i post anything weirder than normal on twitter last night?  or funnier than normal?

hahahaha!  sweet.  i hope i was singing it all evening.

my sinuses are fucked.  hmm.  did i vomit last night?  no evidence of that.  toilet is clean... my throat doesn't feel sandpapered.  probably not.  in fact, that is most likely the problem.  i think i drank the equivalent of 8 shots of scotch last night.

okay.  more tea.  head, stop hurting so i can think about this!

i left candy everywhere.  huh?

AAAGGHHHH OH FUCK OH FUCK A SPIDER!!!
deep breaths, you squashed it.  deeeep breaths.

i really do.

why does my wrist hurt like a motherfucker?

oh yeah.... NOW i remember.  hopefully he hurts more.

when in doubt about much of the previous night....
ask a witness.

 

why the hell was i so damn drunk?  that amount of scotch shouldn't put me under like that, i've drunk half a bottle and felt better...

oh.  right.  probably the fault of eating almost nothing yesterday.
well, it just happened.
yeah, it was fucking dumb.
what did i eat?
some chips... some shock tarts...
(and evidently, a sandwich)

is that ALL?

damnit.  this is my fault, isn't it.

i just contemplated drinking a leftover PBR someone left in my fridge.
i hate that shit.

i need to eat something. 

gah. 
i tried to eat something.  my stomach just flipped me off. 

kill me now!

trippy!

worked a gig tonight, at a crazy-ass venue! 

believe it or not... we're indoors.

even the ceiling was painted with clouds.

the stars even sparkled.  it was surreal.  if i didn't know i was inside, i would have thought it was outside for a while.

of course, the air conditioning gave it away.

the trees were awesome.  not only did they look life-like, but they were sturdy - so sturdy, in fact, that you could climb on them.

so that's how i spent my night - trying to figure out how they made an indoor space look so damn cool.

that, and deciding that the Matt and i should get similar tattoos - his would be a sperm with a circle and bar (with the word "sterilized" underneath), and mine would be an egg & sperm with a circle and bar.  i said we should put them right over our respective bushes.  that way we'd be VERY upfront about it...
(we really, really don't ever want to have kids.  we both plan on getting sterilized.)

this decided, after i got sick of the kids running around the place like little terrors.  see, there are nice kids, and there are kids that should be put on leashes.
just saying.

of course i had to get in these.

i'm queen, bitches!  Queen of Hell, that is.

now this is a place worth throwing a party.  wealthy folks, listen up!  we all need to have a pre-Hell party here.  hey, the food is good.
plus you can imagine you're wondering around a plantation, without needing to step into the muggy 89 degree night weather.  it's a win-win.