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Welcome to hell. Please take a number. Her Evilness will be with you when she damn well feels like it.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

i take pictures of shit.

i've told you before that i work wedding gigs with a photobooth.

last night (well, actually fri and sat both) i was doing exactly that.  and i was bored enough to think of posting what i do while working one of these events. 

basically, these events consist of setting up the photobooth (that sounds sooo much easier than it is...), and a lot of waiting around.

this is your average view of a gig, before all the people get there.  

flowers, guest book, band.  this is how bored i am.  i take pictures of wedding shit.

some weddings choose to have a scrapbook.  and when they do, you spend the entire evening doing the same thing:

guest:  so... how does this thang work???
me:  there are signs allllll over the photobooth, telling you everything you could possibly need to know, you dipshit.   you go inside, and press the (brightly-lit) red button.  it takes four photos, and then you get a strip for you, and one goes in the scrapbook! ::mimics enthusiasm::

well, to be fair, i do that at every photobooth event.

the scrapbook-specific part is that you paste all of the photos into the scrapbook (easy), and make sure the guests don't write all over the entire page (really fucking hard).  despite telling each person exactly where to write, they ignore you about 60% of the time, and then get all huffy when you tell them they've got to fit into their space.  it's pretty special. 

and then you get the really special guests.  the kind that are sloshing champagne with maraschino cherries (EEEEEEWWWWWWW i hate those damn things.  plus, in champagne, can you get any more tacky???) all over the place, and taking pictures like these:

(yes, that's one of their actual photos, and yes, i am an asshole.)
and after the photos, they almost ruin the scrapbook a few times with their nasty drinks, because they are too drunk to carry them like a normal person, and they are sloshing them everywhere.

yeah.  these people, they make me want to brain them with a champagne flute. 

but sometimes, you get delicious wedding food!  in the above case, that's chicken marsala over garlic mashed potatoes, and it was SO DAMN GOOD.

but the best part about coming home from weddings???



bouquets.  they're simple to get, and they are always gorgeous.

to round off this particular post with absolutely nothing relating to weddings, here's some of the stuff i caught at the St. Paddy's parade:

your normal, standard catch.

and then, The Matt caught this for me.  look at it.
What The Fuck???  this is plainly a roach clip.

you could protest and tell me it's a hair clip or some shit.  many people were using them as such.  but it's not a fucking barrette.  it's a Roach Clip.
i have proof.
and more proof. 
and yet more proof. 

sure, they were also worn in hair in the seventies, usually by kids who didn't know exactly what they were.
but the genesis??  plainly, a device for smoking pot.
and that is EXACTLY what i am about to do with it.


mia said...

Haha, Lucky Brand has a whole line of bracelets out now that are obviously roach clip bracelets, though I wonder how many kids who buy them will know that...http://www.amazon.com/Lucky-Brand-Cahuilla-Silver-Tone-Bracelet/dp/B003N3VLZO/ref=sr_1_16?s=jewelry&ie=UTF8&qid=1300690176&sr=1-16

Satan said...

yep, pretty much!!!

The Empress said...

Hi! I discovered your blog through Sara swears a lot. Those gorgeous flowers would definitely be a great job perk. And yes, that feather thingy-ma-bob totally looks like a roach clip, even I know that!

Also, I totally love the comic you posted on the post below. I'm a perv like that! Stop by and visit my crazy snarky blog some time.


Satan said...

welcome to the blog, i'm glad you found me.
do go visit the rest of the oglaf comic site.. you will not regret it!!