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Welcome to hell. Please take a number. Her Evilness will be with you when she damn well feels like it.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

i imagine beating the shit out of people for fun.

on the whole, i'm not a terribly violent person.  i swear.  my brain is crazy-violent, though.  it's weird.

i was at this concert last night (more to come on that later), and while i was listening to one of the bands, there was a guy standing next to me talking to his friends.  i took offense, not to them talking, but to them throwing the word "faggot" around like crazy.  i hate that shit.

i was distracted from the band, by all this, and i decided that the next time i heard them say "faggot," i was gonna say something about it.  loudly. 

well, they didn't say it again, thank goodness.  and that is good.  but the scene went a little differently in my mind:

them:  "faggot faggot faggot!"
me:  "hey, that's really fucking offensive, cut that shit out."
them:  "blah blah, stupid bitch, fuck off, don't care.  faggot."
me:  "you're insulting half of my family and me, so cut that shit out!"
them:  "what are you gonna do about it?  huh?"  ::some form of threatening me/my person::
me:  ::rockets off stool, immediately starts pummeling dude who was throwing around "faggot" the most::

yeah, i have no idea why this shit flows through my brain, but it happens all the time.

i'll be doing something innocuous, like standing in the grocery line, hearing a really offensive conversation, and i make up my mind:  the next thing i hear, i'm calling them out on it.

they don't say anything else, which is probably good, because i really don't need to get arrested in the grocery store.  but in my mind, there's an insult shout-off going on. 

maybe all this imaginary fighting is happening in my head, because i have never actually been in a real fight, in my life.  (well, except that one time when i attempted to choke out a guy with his own collar...)

there have been some other close encounters, but they've been more like playful wrestling turned kinda serious.  or that one douchecanoe ex of mine who punched me, and when i hit him back, harder, he decided enough was enough.

although sometimes, when i imagine trying to kick the shit out of someone, i lose, because the person in question is a huge hulking dude with ham fists, and that's not nearly as fun as blissfully imagining breaking some asshole's nose.

especially in my dreams, where you get that dreaded noodly-arm and noodly-leg feeling, and you end up flailing ineffectually at whoever you're dream-fighting.  AHHHH, THE NOODLY-ARM!!!

i'm a knife-carrier (oh-so-handy and versatile, they are), and so i've learned some self-defense and knife-fighting techniques over the years, mostly from my ex-army peeps.  so i've also blissfully imagined slitting some assailant's throat, if he/she really, really deserved it.  see, i told you my brain is craaazzyy.

i'm not someone who's really afraid of anything.  (well, except spiders.)  i mean, i'm not about to jump up and down, saying "ooh, me!  pick a fight with meeee!" because that's insane.  but i'm not afraid of walking home through "sketchy" parts of town at 3am.  i'm just not. 

that may be because i've been told i give off an unmistakable do not fuck with me, for i am a PSYCHO! vibe.  i'm the girl who, if you harass me on the street, i'm gonna yell back and embarrass you in front of your asshat friends.  i've thrown rocks at people who "holla-ed" at me from their cars.  it's quite satisfying, i tell you!  and who knows, maybe those shitheads might learn a lesson or two about harassing women:  namely, that some of us (me, at least) will harass you right the fuck back.

i'm not the only weird "violent in my head" person in this house, though.  the Matt's really weird:  he has crazy-realistic dreams about WWI.  what's even weirder about that, is he never studied WWI at all, yet he can recount all sorts of details he couldn't possibly know:  the types of guns, layout of trenches, etcetera.  our working theory is he was a WWI soldier in a past life.  otherwise, it makes even less sense.

last night, he had a dream that he was a sniper up in a tree.  i said that sounded like a pretty cool departure from the usual trenches, and he gave me a look like i was nuts.  "not when there's tanks firing at you, shit whizzing past your head!"  i laughed.  "it's not funny, my tree caught fire!"

1 comment:

Lilscorpiosweetie said...

Ohh I don't think you and Matt are the only ones that are like that..

I have on occasion acted on my impulses regarding stupid people and then think about what I would have done differently had I the chance to do it over again.

Most of the time though I have intense conversations with myself about attacking people for being stupid and what not.

I especially get evil minded when certain people talk smack and I hear about it. That makes me go ape shit crazy because then I imagine all sorts of horrible things I would like to do to them.

Not sure about Matt's dreams. On one hand it's pretty cool on the other it does make a person wonder if maybe he was.