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Wednesday, July 6, 2011

WHAT the fuck did you just say?!?!?!??

i'm a musician.  i've been a musician since i was a wee kid.  i've played (in order) the glockenspiel, (when i was four and five - seriously), the piano, the flute (and piccolo), the oboe, the recorder (and i mean the nice wooden ones, mind you, not that plastic crap - i was in a madrigal ensemble), and the xylophone.  in addition to all this, i'm also a singer/vocalist (with a range from alto to soprano I, booya!), and the type that has been paid to perform and record (although i haven't recorded in a while, which sucks).  i can spontaneously harmonize just about anything.

i've never learned any string instruments, unfortunately.  i wanted to play the violin in middle school, but my band didn't have any strings section, so i chose the flute, instead.  it was a good move.  i like flutes.  and guitar tuning confuses the everloving shit out of me, so i've never tried to go there.

anyway, i mention all this to say - i know music.  i love music.  i can pretty much sing any song, because i tend to pick up all the words, even if i don't want to.  it's a blessing, and a curse.  i can remember all the words to songs i haven't heard in years, whether i like them or not.  (i still resent the 90's for this.  also, shitty country music.)

but there are a few songs that, no matter how many times i've heard them (and i've heard them A LOT), i still can't pick up those few lines that seem to make absolutely NO FUCKING SENSE whatsoever.

like this one.  you don't have to listen to the whole song (please don't, it's fucking terrible, i hate this song with a passion) but just the first few lines.
can you figure out what the holy fuck they are saying???

i couldn't.  the closest i could come to was "...wrapped up like a douche an *mumble* boner in the night..."

i had to know, and finally i googled the lyrics today.  ha.  turns out he's saying "...revved up like a deuce,
another runner in the night..."

seriously, dude?  have you heard of enunciation?  and what the hell does "revved up like a deuce" even mean, anyway?  damnit, my brain hurts.

there are other songs which i absolutely love, but i can't quite get the lyrics.  like this one:

i LOVE The Mars Volta.  i do.  i love this song.  but some of these lines just left me so confused.  i managed to pick up most of them in time, but man!  like this, at the beginning:  it actually says, "...stuck in his neck to the gills / fragments of sobriquets?..." 
i heard, "...stuck to his lips to begin / *whoknowswhatthefuck* segregates..."

also, this one:  "... only this menupod crescent in shape has escaped..."
and i heard, "...only this man who's part crescent in shape has escaped..."  well, at least i was closer on that one.

all i want to know is, what is a menupod?

 and then there's that Respect lyric near the end of the song that no one ever gets right...

the lyrics are "R.E.S.P.E.C.T., find out what it means to me!  R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  Take care, TCB..."
 well, who or what is TCB anyway?  no wonder no one hears it right.

AHA!  i found out (fuck, i love the internet!):  it stands for Taking Care of Business - aka, satisfy her sexually.  OH!   okay.  cool.  very cool.

but what about Jumping Jack Flash?

real lyrics: "But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas! / But it's all right. I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash, / It's a Gas! Gas! Gas!"
what i heard: "But it's all right now, the fact is a gash / But it's all right. Jumpin' Jack Flash, gives you gas, gas, gas!"

yep. confused me for years. and i still don't know what it means, but okay, Stones. i think y'all have probably earned the right to be completely incomprehensible.

now, a terribly, awfully bad one:

real lyrics: "Sussudio, just say the word / Oh Sussudio"
what i think everyone else hears: "Su Su Sulia, to save the world... Su Su Sulia..."

of course, there's always the truly hilarious:

the real lyrics (in the first stanza, although the line is repeated) are "Qius est iste Rex Glorie?" which is Latin for "Who is this King of Glory?"

unfortunately, one of my exes completely ruined the nice-sounding Latin, when he observed that this line really, really sounded like "Reese's Pieces Explodia!"
and now, for the life of me, no matter how often i hear the song, all i can think of is Reese's Pieces exploding everywhere.

thanks, Asshat.

these are the things that keep me up at night.

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